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The Holy Church of Gloop

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Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

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If you're thinking this thread is low effort trash then you're right.
:)


Holy Church of Gloop is now open for recruiting. If interested leave a reply here and I'll eventually respond. If you have any questions I am more likely to reply on the forums than in game. If I stop replying to your questions then I've likely decided I don't want you for my clan. It's important to have standards ;)



What Holy Church of Gloop offers: Nothing of value.


Why join? Clan chat is virtually nonexistent so you won't have to be disturbed while you play the game. This also means there is no drama which is really nice.

Requirements for joining: Posting on this thread and praising Lil Gloop and Lil Miss Gloop along with stating why you wish to join. It would also be helpful to know which activities you participate in when you play the game. If you do not wish to join then you may guest as much as you like as long as you don't annoy me.



Rules: I haven't thought of any rules yet. Just don't be a bigger jackass than i am.
WAAAGH!!!

11-Jan-2020 13:16:25 - Last edited on 10-Feb-2020 12:19:04 by Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Posts: 9,394Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile


-New thread made

-All accounts found to be associated with C-town and Knights of Saradomin will now be banned because reasons.

-The Holy Church of Gloop is not associated with Nonmax Jake.

-Lil Miss Gloop has been added to the game! sing praise to our newest deity!
WAAAGH!!!

11-Jan-2020 13:16:33 - Last edited on 10-Feb-2020 12:20:17 by Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

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The Gloopy Bible written by Kings Abbot

Chapter 1 of 1

Did you really expect more chapters? We're low-effort!


In the beginning when Bwian created the heavens and Gielinor,
Gielinor was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a stinky wind from Bwian swept over the face of the waters, for Bwian had recently eaten cabbages.

Then Bwian said, "Let there be the Force"; and there was the Force.
And Bwian saw that the Force was balanced; and Bwian separated the light side from the dark side.
Bwian called the not-yet-existing followers of the light side Jedi, and the not-yet-existing followers of the dark side He called Sith and set up the Rule of Two, so there would always be one Sith master and one Sith apprentice, no more, no less. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.

And Bwian said, "Let there be a dome in the midst of the stinky waters, and let it separate the stinky waters from the other stinky waters."
So Bwian made the dome and separated the stinky waters that were under the dome from the stinky waters that were above the dome. And it was so.
Bwian called the dome Sky, and decided it would alse be the name of an exquisite future classical rock band. And there was evening and there was morning, the second day.

And Bwian said, "Let the stinky waters under the sky be gathered together into one place, and let the land appear." And it was so. Only, the land was still wet, so Bwian created towels to dry the land.
God called the dry land Dry Stuff, and the stinky waters that were gathered together He called Wet Stuff. And Bwian saw that it was good.
Then Bwian said, "Let the Dry Stuff put forth vegetation: plants yielding seed and dinosaur teeth, and fruit trees of every kind on the Dry Stuff that bear fruit with the seed in it." And it was so.
WAAAGH!!!

11-Jan-2020 13:16:39 - Last edited on 11-Feb-2020 06:28:33 by Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Posts: 9,394Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The Dry Stuff brought forth vegetation: plants yielding seed of every kind and some dinosaur teeth, and trees of every kind bearing fruit with the seed in it. And Bwian saw that it was good.
And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.

And Bwian said, "Let the Dry Stuff bring forth living creatures of every kind: cattle and creeping things and wild animals of the earth of every kind, and frost dragons that would never show themselves to Kings Abbot as long as he was a free player." And it was so.
Bwian made the wild animals of the Dry Stuff of every kind, and the cattle of every kind, and everything that creeps upon the ground of every kind, and wild animals of every kind, and frost dragons that would never show themselves to Kings Abbot as long as he was a free player. And Bwian saw that it was good and would annoy Kings Abbot greatly.

And Bwian said, "Let there be lights in the dome of the sky to separate the day from the night; and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years,
and let them be lights in the dome of the sky to give light upon Gielinor." And it was so.
Bwian made the two great lights - the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to partly rule the night and partly rule the day as Bwian knew nothing about orbital mechanics - and the stars.
Bwian set them in the dome of the sky to give light upon Gielinor,
to rule over the day and over the night and it didn't occur to Bwian that the great light would rule over them all, find them, bring them, and in the darkness bind them due to the huge difference in relative instensity, and to separate the light side of the Force from the dark side. And Bwian saw that it was good.
And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day.
WAAAGH!!!

11-Jan-2020 13:16:44 - Last edited on 18-Jan-2020 07:17:23 by Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Posts: 9,394Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
And Bwian said, "Let the Wet Stuff bring forth swarms of living creatures and assign random Fishing level requirements to them, and let birds fly above the Dry Stuff across the dome of the sky to poop on everything and everyone on the surface of the Dry Stuff."
So Bwian created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, of every kind, with which the waters swarm, and every winged bird of every kind. And Bwian saw that it was good.
Bwian blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the stinky waters in the Wet Stuff, and let birds multiply on the Dry Stuff."
And there was evening and there was morning, the fifth day.

Then Bwian said, "Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth, but not over the frost dragons."
So Bwian created humankind in His image, in the image of Bwian He created them; male and female he created them, including Anja and Jokku.

Bwian blessed them with his sandal, and Bwian said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the Dry Stuff and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing except frost dragons that moves upon the earth."
Bwian said, "See, I have given you every plant yielding seed and dinsosaur teeth that is upon the face of all the Dry Stuff, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food.
And to every beast of the Dry Stuff, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth except frost dragons, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so.
Bwian saw everything that He had made, and indeed, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.
WAAAGH!!!

11-Jan-2020 13:16:55 - Last edited on 18-Jan-2020 07:17:43 by Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Posts: 9,394Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thus the heavens and the Dry Stuff were finished, and all their multitude.
And on the seventh day Bwian finished the work that He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all the work that He had done.
So Bwian blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it Bwian rested from all the work that He had done in creation.

As Bwian had not created tv, YouTube or Pornhub yet and had no effort to do so and couldn't sleep for Bwian hadn't thought of the fact that birds chirp and make sound, He decided to watch people instead. He watched as some weird, stinky person set up a shop. The shopkeeper decided to name his shop to Him, to towels and to grief, and Bwian saw that the shop named Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop didn't sell towels. Bwian saw that it was good, as all towels were created by Bwian to dry the wet land and the towels were His anyway.

The shopkeeper attracted some staff that had nothing to do as they didn't sell anything, so the staff started fighting, even between the stars, and insulting one another and Bwian saw that it was entertaining.

It was then when watching the shop that Bwian had to sneeze, and created something slimy and green, and he saw that is was Gloop.
As the Gloop was created on a hallow day, the Gloop was also hallow. Bwian realised it was better to worship the Gloop instead of Him, so He instructed a dude to erect the Holy Church of Gloop. Bwian chose that the Holy Church of Gloop should be erected across the street from the shop called Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop that sold no towels and only griefed people, as the street was further void of structures and the shop could use the extra costumers the Holy Church of Gloop might attract.
WAAAGH!!!

11-Jan-2020 13:17:00 - Last edited on 18-Jan-2020 07:18:20 by Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Ghazgkull

Posts: 9,394Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
It was then that something miraculous happened, some staff members from the shop named after Him became members of the Holy Church of Gloop to do nothing there instead. As Bwian kept on watching, more people from the shop started to hang out in the Holy Church of Gloop, and took their manners with them. Only the shopkeeper, the most violent one, was mostly absent from the Holy Church of Gloop, but he was mostly absent from the shop named after Him too.

The Holy Church of Gloop was more peaceful than the shop named after Him, and although Bwian liked the decrease in violence, He was also less entertained. So Bwian instructed the accountant of the shop named after Him, who also had himself as one of the few baptized in the Hallowed Gloop in the Holy Church of Gloop, to entertain Him.
The baptized accountant, going by the name Kings Abbot, who Bwian earlier prevented to encounter frost dragons, created two awards which would be awarded every three months during a grand ceremony in the backyard of the Holy Church of Gloop.
The awards would be given to people who behaved unhelpful or asked unnecesary questions, and Kings Abbot named them the M.U.P.A.Q. and I.B.A.T.A.W.A.T. Awards™, as they were the awards for the Most Unhelpful Post to Answer a Question and for the person who shoud say "I'm Blind, As The Answer Was Already There!", and both Kings Abbot and Bwian saw that they were good.

Bwian rested, assured that He would be further entertained. And there was evening, and so the seventh day closed.
Everyone, even Bwian, feared the next morning, as it was to be a Monday.

End of Chapter 1
WAAAGH!!!

11-Jan-2020 13:17:04 - Last edited on 18-Jan-2020 07:18:45 by Ghazgkull

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