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OSRS Closure's biographies

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Darelzel

Darelzel

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This thread is just for fun.

In the recent miniquests in RS3 involving Closure (the spirit who writes biographies for those who have died at least once in RuneScape), we're granted access to Closure's study where we can browse Closure's bookcases of biographies. These biographies are of various people from RuneScape lore who have died. Some of them have returned from the dead, but as long as they've died at least once, they're eligible to have their biographies featured.

The titles of the biographies tend to be witty, and sometimes jokes about the NPCs. Who they were, how they died, or how they lived. Examples include 'Sigmund - Hamming it Up' (a reference to not only his over the top behavior, but to his being a principle member of the H.A.M organization), 'Sister Anna - Dance of Death', and 'Balustan - My Life: An Unacceptable Lorefail'. They range from NPCS we've actually seen in the game to those who we've only heard about in lore (such as Balustan, Unlucky Jenkins, Forcae, Untrad, and Ivandis Seergaze).

Now, OSRS has plenty of lore content on its own, and plenty of characters (in its history and in the present day) who have died at least once. From King Kharedst and other Kourend nobility of the past to Lord Iorwerth, Sophia Hughes, and most of the cast of Misthalin Mystery, there's plenty to choose from.

So, if we were to access the OSRS version of Closure's study, what would be the titles of the biographies on the bookshelves? Feel free to have fun coming up with titles..

For further examples, I'll give a few titles of biographies that work for both RS3 and OSRS, since the characters in question met the same fate in 2007 or prior content, or said fate is an established part of the backstory in both. That will be in the next post.

02-Aug-2021 02:52:27

Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,574Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Here are some biography titles that would probably be the same in OSRS's version of Closure's study.

Agrith Naar - There's No Place Like Home

Balustan - My Life: An Unacceptable Lorefail

Clarence - RIP in Pieces

Count Draynor - My Life: A Grave Situation

Culinaromancer - Cooking up a Storm

Elvarg - Killed by Noobs: A Dragon's Tale

Filliman Tarlock - Don't be Aghast - The Nature of Spirits

Goblin (Level 3) - I Had a Family, You Know?

Ivandis Seergaze - Flailing Around

King Tyras - Reign of Fire

Man - Respawn, Die, Repeat

Mugger (level 6) - Not Dead; Killed You

R4ng3rNo0b889 - The Case for Antifire Potions

Rock Crab - Reaching The Hard Place

Thammaron - I Feel the Cold in My Bones

Unlucky Jenkins - My Death Was Mos Le'Harmless

Varrock Guard #1206 - Live, Die, Repeat

Wally - Where's Me?

Now, try to see if you can come up with fun biography titles for people who have died in OSRS exclusive quests, or died as part of the backstory (such as various Kingdom of Kourend nobles from the past).

Feel free to post now. :)

02-Aug-2021 02:55:14

Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,574Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Okay, here are a few suggestions of my own.

Abigale - Life's a Scream

Assistant Le Smith - Any Landing You Can't Walk Away From...

Bob the Cat - Inside the Box*

Lord Iorwerth - Was it Iorwerth it?

Nieve - Slayer Master Rocked

Sophia Hughes - Demons Aren't a Girl's Best Friend

Those are the ones I came up with.

* (that's a Schrodinger's Cat reference)

02-Aug-2021 16:14:27 - Last edited on 02-Aug-2021 16:17:14 by Darelzel

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