Three Confused Noobs

Quick find code: 49-50-524-63729733

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EDIT MARCH 2013: Added more for you guys! :D See page 3!

Three noobs just got off the boat from tutorial island. This is where the story begins.

noob1: Yay! I finished the pro-training thing!
noob2: Yeah, me too!
noob3: Me too!
noob2: Okay, now where are we?
lvl30: Lumbridge
noob3: Whats Lumbridge?
noob1: Is it a cheat code?!
noob2: I'm reporting you for using the Lumbridge cheat!
*All three noobs report him*
noob1: We did a good thing!
noob2: Yup, the owners of this game will thank us!
noob3: Hey, who are the makers of this game?
noob1: Nike?
noob2: Oh, okay. I like their shoes.
noob3: I like their game more! This rocks!
noob1: Okay, lets figure out where we are!

So the three noobs set out to find where they are.
--Noob Descriptions--

noob1: He is the leader of the three noobs, and the smartest. He doesnt like when noobs 2 and 3 goof off.

noob2: He isn't as smart as noob1, but still enough. He is obsessed with Nike shoes, and has a feeling he can get half off on their shoes when he does something good.

noob3: He is the most confused of the three confused noobs. He is also very stupid. He often says things that dont make sense. He longs to find out what "..." means, but I doubt he ever will.

noob3: 'Scuse me, where are we?
lvl80: Lumbridge.
noob3: Another one!
*All three noobs report him*
noob1: Man, thats the 33rd person who is using that cheat!
noob2: Yeah, there aren't many loyal players in this game!
noob3: That's okay, because we are!
noob1: Yeah, Nike will love us so much!
noob2: Maybe I can get a discount on their shoes!
noob3: Yeah, lets go somewhere else! Too many cheaters here!
*noobs travel north*
noob1: Where are we?
lvl59: On the road to Varrock.
noob2: Is Varrock a cheat!?!?
noob3: No, I heard someone say that they were going to Varrock.
noob1: So we must be on a road to a city named Varrock!
noob2: How long did it take for you to figure that out?
noob1: I dunno, couple minutes?
noob2: Nice IQ, now lets go to Varrock!

13-May-2012 07:51:47 - Last edited on 20-Mar-2013 10:45:33 by Zevulon

Oct Member 2020


Posts: 6,157Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
*noobs get to the entrance to Varrock*
noob1: This must be it!
noob2: Woah, look at the stone circle over there!
noob3: Woah, cool!
noob1: Who made it?
noob3: The makers of this game?
noob2: They should put that design on a shoe!
noob2: Okay, lets go see whats in the stone circle!

So the three noobs walk over to the stone circle, to see whats around.

noob1: Hey, there's someone there named Darkwizard!
noob2: Whats a wizard?
noob3: I think Harry Potter is a wizard....
noob1: Hey Harry Potter!
*the npc doesn't answer, unsuprisingly*
noob1: Harry Potter! Wizard Guy! Hey!
*no answer*
noob1: Dont make me fight you! Answer me!
*no answer*
noob1: Okay then!
*noob1 runs over to the darkwizard and hits him with bronze dagger*
noob1: Die!!!!!
*noob1 died*
noob3: What?
noob2: Theres noob2, noob3, but no noob1! It doesn't make sense!
noob3: I'm not following you....
noob2: The numbers! 123! But theres only 2 and 3 now! NO 1!!!!
noob3: ......
noob2: Oh come on! Understand? 123?
noob3: Umm, no.
*noob2 dies of frustration*
noob3: Im all alone! Oh, I still have Harry Potter.
*noob3 gets killed by the darkwizard*
all noobs: WE REUNITE!
noob1: Where are we?
lvl56: Lumbridge!!!
*all noobs report him*
noob2: Oh, the cheating area, let's go to Varrock!

So the three noobs start to walk to Varrock, once again.

noob1: I'll do the honors of the first step into Varrock!
noob2: No me!
noob3: Me!
noob1: Ok, I'll settle this, in a fair way. I'm going in.
*the noobs agree that it was fair*
noob1: Here it goes...
*noob1 trips*
noob1: Ow! that hurt me 9! I only have 1/10 hp left!
*an Imp steps on noob1 by accident*
noob1: Ow!
*noob1 dies*
noobs2&3: Not again!
noob2: We dont make sense again!
noob3: What?
*noob2 dies of frustration again*
noob3: Hehe, they all died, but nothing can kill me!
*a breeze of wind comes and knocks noob3 over*
noob3: Ow!
*noob3 died*

13-May-2012 07:56:48

Oct Member 2020


Posts: 6,157Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
all noobs: WE REUNITE AGAIN!
noob1: Okay, lets go back to Varrock...AGAIN!
noob2: Dont die this time! We won't make sense!
noob3: Huh?
*noob2 dies, but appears right next to them*
noob2: I could go for some Nike shoes right now..
noob3: Than send a report saying that you want shoes from them!
noob2: Okay!
*noob2 sends a report about how he wants shoes*
noob2: Huh?
*noob2 gets a letter from Jagex about his recent report*

noob2: Oo, a letter from the makers, Nike!

Dear noob2,

I do not know why you have given us this thing about shoes, because we do not sell them. We are Jagex, not Nike.

Yours Truly,

noob2: Jagex?! Who is Jagex!
noob3: *gasp!*
noob1: What?!
noob3: Jagex probably took over Nike, and they are keeping the shoes for themselves!
noob1: No!
noob2: Anything but that!
noob3: I suspect so....
noob1: So what can we do?!
noob2: We have to go on a quest, to stop Jagex!
*noobs cheer and start to talk*

The Quest To Stop Jagex Begins!

noob1: How are we going to stop Jagex?
noob2: Okay, heres the plan. We need weapons!
*noobs show off bronze daggers*
noob2: Armour!
*noobs raise their wooden shields*
noob2: And knowledge!
*no one does anything*
noob2: Uhh....and knowledge!
*noobs just stare at noob2*
noob2: Ok...umm....we need some brains for this situation! Which...none of us have...
noob1: Well, lets find someone else!
*noobs look at the general store keeper*
noob3: Ooo! Him! He looks like he has knowledge!
noob2: Okay man! We need some brains to our plot!
Man: Good day sir, would you like to buy something?
noob2: Yeah! Your knowledge to help us in our quest!
Man: Out of stock.
noob2: noob3! You said he was smart.
Man: Will that be all, sir?
noob2: No!
*kicks the man in the shin*
noob2: Now I am done!
Man: Good day sir, would you like to buy something?
noob2: NO!
*noobs walk out of general store*
noob2: Ok, we need someone smart!

13-May-2012 07:59:38

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Posts: 6,157Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The three noobs continue their journey to find someone smart

noob1: Okay, who is smart?
noob2: Nike?
noob3: Nike is captured by Jagex!
noob2: I know, I can still bring up how smart they are!
noob1: We need someone smart, IN THIS GAME!
noob2: Oh, me.
noob1&3: WHAT?
noob2: Me, Im smart
noob1: Than why didnt you tell us that?!
noob2: I was reporting another person for saying Lumbridge! I didnt hear you.
noob3: *gasp*
noob1: Ahh, than we wasted our time!
noob2: Oh well, lets go!
noob3: How are we going to save them.
noob1: I heard the makers of this game-
noob2: Nike!
noob1: Yeah! Nike keep their hideout in Camelot!
noob3: Nike is King Arthur?!
noob2: No!
noob3: Oh. Got my hopes up there.
noob2: So how do we get to Camelot?
*the noobs check the map*
noob1: We have to swim to Ardougne!
noob2: I'm on the swim team! Yay!
noob3: I dont know how to swim.
noob1: Do you have your water floaty thingy?
noob3: You mean my inflatable batman surfboard?!
noob1: Yeah...Um...Use that.
noob2: If he drowns, at least we will still make sense. 1 2 is okay.
noob3: What?
*noob2 dies*
noob2: Stop it! You made me lose my burnt meat!
*noob2 starts crying*
noob3: Its okay, another noob will thank you for it.

13-May-2012 08:02:08

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Posts: 6,157Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
So the three noobs head over to the water, and prepare to swim/surf for noob3, over to Ardougne!

noob4: Yea! I just exchanged that stupid dragon long for a iron long!
noob1: Lucky!
noob2: No fair!
noob3: Where did you get it?!
noob4: Some level 100 was happy to trade it to me. ALL SHALL BOW DOWN TO MY IRON LONG!!!
*noobs123 bow down*
noob4: Thats more like it!
lvl100: Noob
noob4: WHAT!? Do you wanna take me on?!
*lvl 100 1 hits noob4*
noob1: What a bad noob!
noob2: Yeah, he had the advantage too, with his iron long.
noob3: He must be the worst noob ever! Losing to someone with a dragon long, when he had an iron long!
noob1: He was still a nice noob.
noob2: Than why did he make us bow down to him?
noob3: He had the iron long. What else could we do?
noob2: True.
noob1: He was a lucky noob too.
noobs2&3: That's for sure!
noob1: Anyways, lets swim!
*noob1 jumps in the water*
noob1: Ahh!
*noob1 gets eaten by shrimp and anchovies*
noobs2&3: Not a pretty sight!
noob2: Oh well! My turn!
*noob2 jumps in and gets eaten by shrimps and anchovies*
noob3: Theres no way Im going in there!
*breeze of wind blows, knocking noob3 in*
noob3: Fine! Bring it on fishies!
*noob3 gets eaten by one anchovie alone*
all noobs: WE REUNITE!
noob4: But no iron long for me!
noob1: Go away noob4!
*noob4 leaves*
noob1: Its okay, noobs! We were on the east coast anyways! We needed to be on the west coast!
noob2: My grandmother lives on the east coast.
noob3: A shame you didnt get to see her.

13-May-2012 08:04:40

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So the three noobs travel over to the west coast and get ready to swim.

noob1: Let's swim!
lvl80: You can't swim!
noob2: Yeah I can! I'm on the swim team!
noob1: What do you mean?
lvl80: You can't swim in this game.
noob1: Yeah, we did before!
lvl80: And drowned, right?
noob1: No! We got eaten by fish!
lvl80: Well, you would have drowned.
noob1: Fine! Just watch me!
*noob1 jumps in and drowns*
noob3: What?
*noob2 dies*
noob3: Hehe, I can use that to my advantage now.
*noobs 1 and 2 catch up*
noob2: You are using that to my advantage now! no fair!
noob3: Yeah, its fair.
noob2: No!
noob3: Yes!
noob2: *gasp* You took my air rune!
noob3: So?
noob2: MEANY!
*noob2 strangles noob3*
noob1: STOP FIGHTING!!!!!
noob2: We can't save Nike...
noob1: You are right!


noob1: Now what?
noob2: These bronze daggers aren't so powerful...
noob3: So why don't we get a better one?
noob1: How about an iron dagger?!
noob3: *gasp*
noob2: No, A STEEL DAGGER!
noob1&3: *gasp!*
noob1: Let's go get the steel dagger!
noob2: Who drops them?
noob3: I heard the swordshop dealer has them.
noob1: Okay, than we have to kill the swodshop keeper!

So the three noobs start there journey to kill the Swordshop keeper, and get the "almighty" steel dagger! Little did they know, they cant.

13-May-2012 08:06:35

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Posts: 6,157Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
noob1: Hey, mister! Give us the steel dagger!
Salesman: Hello, bold adventurer. Would you like to buy a sword?
noob1: No, I want to HAVE one. Now gimme!
Salesman: Well, look at these great swords!
noob2: They all really stink- *gasp* STEEL DAGGER!
noob3: Told you all they had it!
noob1: Gimme steel dagger!
Salesman: That will be 100gp.
all noobs: *gasp* WHAT?!?!
noob2: 100gp?!
noob2: where are we going to get that kind of money!
noob3: A bank!
noobs1&2: Huh?
noob3: A bank!
noobs1&2: Yeah, we heard you. What do you mean?
noob3: We can get the money from the bank! You are so stupid!
noob3: Gee, *m not sure.
noob1: Than why did you bring up the bank?!
noob3: I dont know.
noob2: *sigh*
noob1: Ahh, Where can we find money!
noob3: A bank!
*noob1 strangles noob3*
noob2: Why did you do that?!
noob1: Well-
noob2: I wanted to strangle him!
noob1: Oh. You get to do it next time.
noob2: Okay.
noob1: Lets take advantage of the time that noob3 is here. How can we get money?
*noob3 catches up*
noob3: *pant* A bank!
*noob2 strangles noob1*
noob2: Oops, wrong noob.
*noob3 strangles noob2*
noob3: He killed the person I wanted to kill!

So the three noobs continue their journey. But obviously, they arent getting anywhere. Will they ever?

13-May-2012 08:08:48

Oct Member 2020


Posts: 6,157Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
*noobs catch up with noob3*
noob1: noob2, why did you strangle me?
noob2: Thought you were noob3.
noob1: My name's noob1, how did you get it mixed up?
noob2: Well, noob3, why did you strangle me?
noob3: I forget.
*noob2 strangles noob3*
noob1: Hey, it was my turn!
noob2: Well, you get to do it the next few times.
*noob3 catches up*
noob3: AHH!
*noob3 puts his hands around noob2's neck*
noob1: STOP!!!!!
*noob1 shoves noob3's hand off of noob2*
noob1: You are all acting like animals!
*noob3 stops sniffing his arm and looks up*
noob2: If we want to get the 100gp, we'll have to work together!
noob1: We need 300gp, because we need one steel dagger for each of us!
all noobs: *gasp*
noob2: Where are we going to get that money?!
noob3: Hey, I found 300gp on the floor!
noobs1&2: HOORAY!!!!
lvl20: I'll trade you 1gp for your 300gp.
noob3: Can't beat that price!
*noob3 exchanges 300gp for 1gp*
noob3: Hey guys, look what I-
*noob1 strangles noob3*

As you can see, the noobs have been working very hard, and have gotten 1gp closer to their 300gp.

noob1: 1gp! Thats all we have now... guess we will never get the money...
noob3: Hey guys, I traded my bronze dagger for 1mil!
noob1&2: YAY!
noob3: But a man killed me and I dropped it.
noobs1&2: Aw...
noob3: Then I got it back!
noobs1&2: YAY!
noob3: Then a goblin took it.....
noob1: Noo! We still don't have money.
noob3: Yeah we do!
noob1: Yes?
noob3: Yeah, we still have the 1gp!
*noob1 strangles noob3*
noob2: Hey
noob1: What?
noob2: I dunno. I just wanted to make sure you guys knew I was here.
*noob1 strangles noob2*

13-May-2012 08:11:46

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Posts: 6,157Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
dima110: hi!
noob1: what?!
dima110: Woah!
noob2: what!?
dima110: you are noobs!
noob3: No!
dima110: Oh okay.
noob1: Who are you?!
dima110: The owner of nike!
*noob2 trembles*
noob2: M-may I have your autograph
dima110: Whats an autograph
noob2: Please mr. nike!
dima110: Whats a nike?
*noob1 strangles dima110*
noob1: WE NEED 300gp!!!!!!!!
dima110: I have that!
noob1: Really?
dima110: No
*noob1 strangles dima110*

noob1: I heard there was an ancient, secret way of making money. Called mining.
noob2: Whats a mining?
noob3: Whats a noob1?!
noob1: ...
noob3: Umm, noob2, Was noob1 about to say something?
noob2: noob3, Nike looks down on you and frowns.
noob3: Good! Keep it that way!
noob2: ....
noob3: ...?
noob2: ...........
noob3: oh! ...!
noob2: ...! Yeah!
noob3: yeah? ...?
noob1: BE QUIET!!!!!!!
noob2: Umm, noob1, we weren't talking.
noob3: Yeah, we were just discombobulating!
noob2: noob3, Nike doesn't look down on ya 'n frown.
noob3: Really?
noob2: Yup. They commit suicide!
noob3: Good! I hope you're happy!
noob2: ...
noob3: ...?
lvl80: I know the ancient ways to mining!
noob2: Ooo, really?
lvl80: Yeah, first you go to Lumbridge.
noob1: Tell us more!
lvl80: Then you attack the duke of lumbridge.
noob2: Thats all?!
lvl80: Yup! He will tell you the ways!
noob1: Thanks! But you used the lumbridge cheat.
noob3: Yeah, so we are gonna have to report you.
*all noobs report him*
noob1: *sigh* Nike must love us.
noob2: Maybe I can get half-off on their shoes-
noob2: ...
noob3: ...?
*noob1 strangles noob3*

So our three heroes start their quest to attack the duke of lumbridge, and find out the ancient ways of mining. Little did they know, their trip to lumbridge will kill them!

noob1: Hey, he used the lumbridge cheet!
noob2: Yeah!
*all noobs report narrator*

13-May-2012 08:14:53

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