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Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop

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Corugi

Corugi

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WE DO NOT SELL TOWELS


Got that? Good. That was very important. I am glad we have had this little chat and come to this mutual understanding.

Now, you may wonder why we dont sell towels. We fully understand that you may want to ask many questions about this apparently peculiar state of affairs. Your curiosity is perfectly natural. Your curiosity is also extremely unwelcome.

At
Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop
we dont take kindly to pesky strangers sniffing around and asking too many questions. In fact we don't like strangers much at all. Its probably best that you got going now. There's the door. Please use it right now.

Come again soon!

..and best wishes from the friendly staff at
Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 01:57:41 - Last edited on 14-Aug-2018 05:01:32 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Staff List.




Here is a list of staff usually found loitering with malicious intent around Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop. If you don't set your expectations too high you may find them of some assistance. However we do not advise you to disturb them while they are breathing.

Marketing

Kings Abbot

Human Resources

Fifi La Frou

Maintenance

Peeperwop
Scouse

Supply Chain Management

Molly Weazly

Towel Folder

C a z

Tea Lady

Barsnoop

Distribution

Jack Flac

Forensic Accounting

The Ghost of Krista ( May she rest in Cyberspace )

Visual Artist and Director of Elevator Music

Trewavas

Double Agents

Sajhki7

Funeral Director

Corugi
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 01:58:02 - Last edited on 30-Sep-2018 23:19:18 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Special Notice. We are an Anti-clan.

IAQTNOCA
. ( Infrequently Asked Question That No One Cares About )

What is an anti-clan?

Well actually it is much like an ordinary clan, except it is totally unlike it.

An anti-clan does not include a Citadel, ort gathering, skill plots, a clan chat, clan ranks, avatars, xp boosts, in game assistance in any shape or form, events, drama, kicks, dance floor, bank, walls, and that NPC guy who gives you a piddling amount of xp each week.

You don't actually "join" us inside the game, you just post on this thread and gain employment as one of our unhelpful shop staff. In fact you can be in a regular clan, slaving away each week in your citadel, and climbing up the rank ladder like a good little pleb, and yet also be part of our anti-clan. Its a win-win situation for no one!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 01:58:19 - Last edited on 14-Aug-2018 04:56:27 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Corugi said:
STAFF WANTED!


Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop.

Located close to Catherbye beach.

Sales experience not necessary. Familiarity with towels essential. Must enjoy digging holes to a depth of at least 6 feet.

Click the link in my signature to apply!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 01:58:27 - Last edited on 08-Jul-2018 06:57:13 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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So you want a job at
Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop
?

Umm... okay...

Simply apply through the person in charge of Human Resources. Here she is. Chewing on the rat bait again. One minute please...

FiFi LaFeles said:
Recruitment


There is a strict vetting procedure, with almost impossible requirements in relation to I.Q., personal grooming standards, commitment to the cause (whatever that is) and ability to make realistic birdlike shapes from bits of paper.

Don't bother if you are riff-raff. We don't like riff-raff.

You can make an express application by placing your resume directly in the paper shredder.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 01:58:38 - Last edited on 09-Jul-2018 09:08:25 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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THIS WEEK'S SPECIALS!


Annexation! We have successfully annexed the High Level Forums! But already they are beginning to bore us to death. It may be necessary to unannex them.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 01:58:51 - Last edited on 29-Sep-2018 06:00:03 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Last week's specials.




Civil War! The clan has ascended into civil war. Again. This time its being fought through cloying good manners, mutual respect, and unequivocal courtesy. Hence its name, "The Politeness War". Without a doubt it is surely the most sickening war to have ever engulfed our normally rude and ill-tempered clan.

The toilets have been spotlessly cleaned. Fifi has annexed time. Corugi has been sold into slavery.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 01:58:58 - Last edited on 22-Sep-2018 12:37:05 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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This is the Cemetery post. This is where we bury our dead. Please be respectful and keep the laughter and alcohol consumption to within unacceptable levels.



RIP all those marshmallowed to death by Nex in the great clannie hit of 2020.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 01:59:16 - Last edited on 08-Jul-2020 07:27:06 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Staff Notices.


If you are not a member of Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop you have no business reading these staff notices. Go. Away.

Fellow staff members, I am pleased to announce that we shall be having a Boring Conference soon, in the Off Topic section of the forums. Please make sure you are suitably boring.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 01:59:23 - Last edited on 26-Aug-2018 12:14:02 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Averia Light said:
I am looking for toddler towels. You know the ones that are bigger than the infant towels, but smaller than adult towels. Do you have any in Minnie mouse, pink, or rubber duckie variety?


What did I say to you about asking questions? Hmm? Right. You are now employed. You can look after the accounts.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 02:39:36

Corugi

Corugi

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Jack Flac said:
Got any art supplies I could haggle off of you by chance? Got some pics I need to scribble Moustaches on.


You guys have just got this thing where you think you can wander in here and ask questions, haggle, and expect to walk out the shop door, without any consequences. Do I need to remind you that the "Grief" part of
Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop
serves as a reminder of our origins?

Very well, Jack, as punishment you are now employed as Head of Distribution.

That's the just the head part of you. The rest of your body can go find work somewhere else. The physical difficulties brought upon you by the severing of your head from your body are not my problem.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 05:31:56 - Last edited on 08-Jul-2018 09:57:24 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Crispy Weeb said:
Yeah..I'm gonna need the most Japanese towels you got. By the thousands


WHAT PART OF
WE DO NOT SELL TOWELS
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND???

None, obviously.

Great!

You are now part of the sales team.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 06:37:59

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
How much are you going to be paying us?


At least you didn't wander in wanting to buy towels. Because we don't sell towels.

Now, remuneration is very generous. A hefty commission in fact. You simply get paid for every towel you sell.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 09:23:44

Corugi

Corugi

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Peeperwop said:
I would like to submit my application for one of the maintenance department openings. I feel as though you will find my experience to fit this job perfectly.

Experience:
- None
- Digging holes
- I once owned a bath towel that caught fire, so I dug a hole next to a weird looking rock in the ground and set it on some wood container I found

If I am hired, expect plenty of holes to be surrounding the shop, I do not plan on refilling them.


As your experience is vastly greater than our own I feel you should have become the shop manager. However, since our shop is run along anarchistic-communist principles we have no hierarchy. Or organization. Or even a chair in our office. Which lacks even the most basic office equipment, such as doors, walls and a ceiling.

Therefore I am pleased to announce that your application for the maintenance department is entirely successful. That's if one can count working in the abysmal and extremely high risk conditions as successful.

Furthermore we have noted your dedication to digging holes. I foresee a great future ahead of you at Bwian's. We have many uses for such holes.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 09:33:13 - Last edited on 08-Jul-2018 09:55:09 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
So what is the point of this (no doubt) dreadful outfit apart from not selling towels. And digging holes?


I am sure the point will come to us eventually. To you actually. I have just put you in charge of figuring out the reason for our existence.

In the meantime we make money by disposing of unwanted bodies.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

09-Jul-2018 08:23:44 - Last edited on 09-Jul-2018 08:25:57 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
I don't recall you spelling my name correctly even once!


I was away from school the day they taught spelling :(

Its all Molly's fault anyway. Somehow.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

09-Jul-2018 08:59:23 - Last edited on 09-Jul-2018 08:59:45 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Pray for my speedy return and that no Apollo 13- shit happens to me along the way.

FiFi LaFeles said:
Bloody hell, he's taken the towel.

Now what we gunna do?


Now in stock! Surface to Earth Orbit missiles!

Only available at Bwian's Towel and Grief shop!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

10-Jul-2018 09:16:20 - Last edited on 10-Jul-2018 09:17:54 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
I also have double post syndrome. :(


I wouldn't worry about that, seeing as you have been made into our Director of Elevator Music. You will be responsible for the music which is played inside our elevator shafts.

You see, we decided to install elevators into our shop. But without the actual elevators. Only the elevator shafts themselves. Which are quite deep. My understanding is that it may take up to 50 seconds to reach the bottom.

I am sure some of our customers will appreciate your selection of music after they step into our elevators. Why not have something pleasant to listen to at terminal velocity?
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

13-Jul-2018 03:36:35

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Nothing interesting happened between leaving Enceladus...


Meanwhile, near the orbit of Phobos, along with a hired fleet of Silastic Armorfiends, Corugi waits...
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

19-Jul-2018 11:14:58 - Last edited on 19-Jul-2018 11:16:25 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
I'm thinking an official anti-anthem is needed. I'm bored of the current lift music.


And space battle music. There is a distinct lack of space battle music here.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

24-Jul-2018 08:21:04

Corugi

Corugi

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Dear Diablo said:
*wild illusion appears*

Wild illusion uses "why is there no music cape in rs3?!"

*it is not very effective* *cricket noises*

* wild illusion flees*


I strongly suspect you are Treemaid.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

24-Jul-2018 20:31:00

Corugi

Corugi

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Loyal staff members!

I have dire news.

We are now officially at
WAR
with the clan of the Caped Carousers. No one calls me a "Millennial Snowflake" and gets away with it! BY THE GODS NO! I am a "Special Millennial Snowflake", no lesser insult will do!

Corugi said:
Greetings.

Due to the recent outbreak of open hostilities between our two clans because of the "War of the Millennium Snowflake" I am to inform you that all job applicants from your clan have been interviewed inside a deep hole. Which has now been filled. With cement. Thank you for applying.


Prepare yourself for a savage conflict of catastrophic proportions! This shall be the Great Grandmother of all WARS!

I have ordered full mobilization of our military hardware!

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

26-Jul-2018 07:11:19 - Last edited on 26-Jul-2018 07:12:09 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
But I is not French!


ENOUGH!

You are obviously French. Denying you are French is a confession to being French.

You have committed two grievous crimes here, Trewavas. Firstly you "bumped" our beloved clan thread, an action so crass as to be considered a major naughtiness. Secondly, you have confessed to being French, an atrocity of such magnitude as to disturb the long dead archers of Agincourt. So much so as to make them rise from their graves and shoot arrows everywhere, for some reason...



BY THE GODS! Such violations of our entire lack of codes and ethics shall not go unpunished!

YOU HAVE BEEN FOUND
GUILTY
!
GUILTY
ON ALL COUNTS! Including some other crimes I have included in order to shift blame off me.

Embezzlement of clan funds!
GUILTY!

Leaving pee on the staff room toilet seat!
GUILTY!

Selling bits of Fifi for medical research!
GUILTY!


Actually, on second thoughts I am going to withdraw the last charge, that was actually a good move. But you are nevertheless....

GUILTY! GUILTY GUILTY! !!!6!!!


You are hereby sentenced to..... TOWELLING!

All clan members shall towel you! Without mercy!

Let the sentence be carried out immediately. And may your suffering be great!

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

01-Aug-2018 00:36:42 - Last edited on 01-Aug-2018 00:53:57 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Scouse said:
I would like to hereby send in my resignation and leave bwians towel and grief shop on the basis that i have been left out of the managerial list.

If you rip my resignation letter up and try and tell me i can't ever leave i will find you all and smear your front doors with the meat out of a sausage skin mixed with some daddies tomato sauce and start a revolt thingy called Gwief and attack using the !!!7!!! symbols

Or you can give me some sort of recognition.....


Why, it so happens we do have an opening for some one of your skills and experience....

DIGGING HOLES!

With Peeps, in the maintenance department.

Make sure you dig 'em deep now. They are going to come in very useful later on.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

04-Aug-2018 22:36:25 - Last edited on 04-Aug-2018 22:38:19 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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I would seriously consider taking up Peeperwop's offer, Scouse. There is a plethora of experience to be learned at the hands of one as skilled as Peeps. Why, just the offer day I was inspecting one of her freshly dug holes when I discovered an entire community of Morlocks living at the bottom.



You can imagine my surprise when it suddenly dawned on me that Peepwop had somehow cunningly transported me far into the future. I can only conclude she had sneaked in and swapped out my bed for her newfangled time machine. Thought the mattress had felt a bit lumpy.

Fortunately the Morlocks were quite understanding and offered to encase me in cryogenic goo. They then sealed me safely in a container where I patiently waited some 300 billion years for the Universe to end and then be reborn again. I popped out of my little capsule just now.

Haha Peeps! Good one! Quite the practical joker aren't you? Haha! 300 billion years of waiting, completely conscious and utterly frozen, with an unbearable itch on my nose. Haha!! And I am still scrapping the cryogenic goo off! Man it stinks.

Now Scouse, should for some reason you wish to decline Peep's generous offer then I am sure I can find some other suitable employment for you within our little shop. How does being a hired assassin suit you? I so happen to have a contract available. Just give me a moment to clean these goo scrapings off it.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

06-Aug-2018 00:53:32 - Last edited on 06-Aug-2018 00:56:24 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Now that you mention it, where is Peeperwop? He didn't dig the hole I asked for to park the Bigus Shipus over (you guys are terrible at voting for a name, only Fifi cast her vote!), and the amount of holes around the shop seems to stay constant. He might have made a run for it! He could have dug a tunnel in one of the holes to leave us undetected.

In a Mr. Burns voice: Release the hounds!


I though the name of the ship was so unquestionably brilliant that naming it anything else would be nothing less than a travesty worthy only of dunking in a pool of cold lard.

But I confess I was waiting for someone to correct the spelling, for surely it would be...

BIGGUS SHIPPUS




Umm, and by the way, Peeps is a grill. Look. I took this photo of her cooking lunch at last Summer's staff party.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

06-Aug-2018 01:07:08 - Last edited on 06-Aug-2018 01:12:14 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Have none of you nincompoops sussed out that we are being secretly filmed by a member of
The Resistance? Not only that, but she's pinched one of our towels in a flimsy attempt at disguise. I mean, seriously, who in their right mind would put one of our towels over their head and hope to survive the stench? She's clearly deranged and very dangerous.

So instead of worrying about holes, intergalactic spacecraft and annoying bits of goo in one's orifices how about we consider the pressing issue of intellectual property petty theft?

I think this is an issue Scouse should deal with. I vote we make him our Spymaster General.


Look. I have plenty of experience catching spies. I will take care of this matter. Just wait for the next time she comes into our shop. I have set a trap.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

07-Aug-2018 02:16:25

Corugi

Corugi

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I only took a picture of myself wearing a Tetsu helm when we declared
WAR
on those Jagexy MONSTERS over Fifi's feather. Unfortunately it was a headshot, so you dont see my fabulous high heeled shoes and fish net stockings.

It was the only time I changed my forum picture. Gone were my boyish blond dreadlocks. My happy smiling visage concealed under the sweaty lacquered plates of this atrocious helm.

In all it was a traumatic experience. But I willingly suffered for the sake of our clan and the greater glory of Robin Hood hats.

Such a sacrifice on my part. And how do I get rewarded for all my torment? For all my loyalty? For my devotion?

SOLD INTO SLAVERY!


SOLD !!!6!!!

INTO SLAVERY!

Sold like... like... like... a piece of TOFU!

I hope you at least got a good price. I know a nice bank in Switzerland where you deposit the funds.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Aug-2018 21:06:45 - Last edited on 09-Aug-2018 11:29:34 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
It's all Corugi's fault, of course. He can't even handle a simple annexation properly.
I think we should sell him into the slave trade and spend the money on beer.

Anyway, have we managed to recruit any new non-members yet? I'm pretty sure I'm due a tea break but I can't leave the precious things of the shop. Too many vagabonds about these days.


According to my song, YOU are the annexer.

Maybe you should take over the role.


YES! ITS ALL HER FAULT! FIFI IS THE ANNEXER!

She began at a young age. First it was rabbit holes. Those bunnies didnt stand a chance. Then as a teenager she moved onto bigger things. Like big rabbit holes. And sewers, she was always fond of sewers. At schools students would be mystified to find text books inscribed with messages such as "Sovereign State of Fifi" and "Intruders will be met with an armed response".

Of course as time went on Fifi set her sights on even larger acquisitions. Her lust for annexation was insatiable. Within a short time of graduating she had annexed the Midlands and Channel Islands. However the annexation of mere land began to lose its challenge, and so Fifi turned to acquiring intellectual property as well.

Soon, building developers across the world found all their blueprints to be suddenly owned by Fifi. Complete sequences of genetic code somehow became her express property. Entire streams of thought were suddenly snatched from the minds of thinkers and sequestered away in the dark dank basement of the dreaded La Frou.

Reaching to new heights of her powers she decided to annex the sixth dimension. As well as all numbers divisible by 217, yellow, and every monosyllabic word in the Japanese language.

We can only cower in abject fear at the thought of what she will annex next.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

10-Aug-2018 02:18:16 - Last edited on 10-Aug-2018 02:20:02 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Right then, perhaps it is time to sum up the progress of our little business to date.

Towels sold: 0
Holes Dug: Lots
Enemy spies captured: 0
Clannies sold off into slavery: 1
Cockroaches eaten: Lots.

I think its been a rather satisfactory quarter.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

14-Aug-2018 00:04:56

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
- optional: a Death Star (preferably without an exhaust vent directly leading from the outside to the reactor core to prevent any douchebags from launching a missile into it causing the whole thing to explode)


I have had a brilliant idea! What about instead of a death star we just build a long line of incredibly expensive fortifications which end just short of the coast and which can therefore be easily bypassed by enemy tanks?

Here look, we can base our plan off these old blueprints I found lying around.



We can call it "THE CORUGIOT LINE" !!!6!!!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

14-Aug-2018 00:15:17 - Last edited on 14-Aug-2018 05:15:58 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Corugi said:
Re: Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop. Employment opportunities.

The previously advertised position of "visual artist" has now been closed.

Trewavas said:
Kings Abbot said:
Let's update the list of stuff we need:
- a visual artist to make our awesome banner


Done.



However there are still employment positions available for towel folders.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

14-Aug-2018 04:32:49

Corugi

Corugi

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Corugi said:
C a z said:
I'm ready to throw the towel in!


Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Not in the hole!

You would get the hole all dirty.


Anyway, I must inform you that the position of towel folder has now been taken. By you.

Trewavas said:
My growing list of jobs reminded me of a Monty Python Sketch featuring a bloke with lots of post-nominals. But I canne remember which one it was.

Lord Sir Dr. Freddie Trewavas OAC BTGS WOR DOM. (lne) VA


*seethes with jealousy*

I, the MIGHTY CORUGI, also have lots of fancy titles that I have made up.

Corugi dus Corugii
The One True Living Legend of Runescape
Supreme Emperor of the Holy Corugian Empire ( May it rest in peace )
Commander of the Corugian Armed Forces.
Chief Executive Officer of the Corugii Corporation
Leader of the Loyalist Faction ( during the Corugian civil war of 2010 )
Patron Saint of the Knights of Saint Corugi
Slayer of Bedbugs
Eater of Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
Keeper of Boogies

But lets not get into a titles arms race over it. Just a simple admission that my post nominals are far more plentiful and fancy than yours will suffice.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

15-Aug-2018 05:20:06 - Last edited on 15-Aug-2018 05:33:43 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Right, so I see how it is, Kings Abbot and Trewavas, you two have got together and decided to try and out-title me in an act of
OPEN REBELLION!


!!!6!!!

Well, I am no stranger to fighting
BITTER CIVIL WARS OF ANNILATION!


!!!6!!!

But seeing as we are a shop now, that sort of limits the actual acts of aggression and wanton violence we can commit. So really that leaves us with just two options:

The first option is
Economic warfare
. Yeah, like imposing tariffs and undercutting prices, creating cartels and monopolies, enacting embargoes and and and umm, stuff like that!

..its all so boring...*yawn*

Besides, its impossible to engage in undercutting prices because we don't actually sell Towels. Tricky.

The other option, and realistically the only way to
WAGE A BLOODY AND HORRENDOUS CIVIL WAR OF DIRE CONSEQUENCES
is to breech all shop standards and be impossibly polite to each other.

And so it begins!

THE POLITENESS WAR
HAS BEGUN! Let the opening shots be fired!

!!!6!!!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

16-Aug-2018 05:56:53 - Last edited on 16-Aug-2018 06:28:10 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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"In a devastating first blow of the Politeness War, Corugi launched an immediate attack, which caught his enemy fully unprepared..."

Good day to you good Kings Abbot, may I wish you a cheery welcome and rush to add how glad I am to see your visage adorning our clan thread. I see you have brought your chum Trewavas along with you today. How jolly nice! What a great team we make! Just seeing you both here makes me feel so warm and cosy that I think I will post this image of a cute little kitty!



"Throughout the civilized world people were aghast at the heinous atrocity Corugi committed in that opening strike. Many believed it was impossible for the Rebels to mount an effective defense against those sort of cute Kitty pictures. It appeared that the war would be short..."
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

16-Aug-2018 06:00:47 - Last edited on 16-Aug-2018 06:25:09 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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The Politeness War!


"The advance of the loyalist Corugian forces into Rebel held territory was initially a huge success. Driving all before them with a veritable blitzkrieg of politeness, quite out of the ordinary for the staff of Bwian's Towel and Grief shop. People held doors open for each other, many courtesies were spoken, and plentiful kind acts of human compassion were performed.

It looked as if the War would soon be over, resulting in yet another resounding victory for Corugi.

But then, unexpectedly, there was a massive counterattack by Kings Abbot. Blow after blow fell upon Corugi. Kings Abbot hit hard, using words like "sorry" and talking about cute little guinea pigs. Corugi fell back, his forces in disarray. A rout looked likely.

Staring defeat in the face a miracle then suddenly occurred to save the beleaguered Corugian forces. It was at this point Trewavas, seemingly unaware that victory in this terrible war depended solely upon being polite, waded in with rather uncouth comments, not polite at all. Golly!"

Trewavas said:
Go and boil your helmet you son of a silly person, I blow my nose at you so-called funeral director.


THE TABLES WERE NOW YET TURNED AGAIN!

"The rebels reeled back, fighting desperately, but now again in full retreat, leaving behind their heavy weapons. These were immediately seized by the Loyalist forces. Sensing the Rebel's weakness Corugi continued to advance, this time bringing up to battlefront the recently captured rebel supplies and USING THEIR OWN WEAPONS AGAINST THEM! The war had entered into a new stage of unprecedented horror. "


I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

17-Aug-2018 07:06:28 - Last edited on 17-Aug-2018 07:10:28 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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TAKE THIS, REBELS! I mean, I present for you considered opinion the following image which I sincerely believe will bring you much joy and happiness.



DIE REBEL SCUM! Furthermore I would be eternally grateful if you would be so kind as to cast your highly appreciated gaze over this image as well.



THERE WILL BE NO MERCY! NONE AT ALL! MWAHAHA! So sorry for disturb you, but I would consider it a great favour if you would be generous enough to consider this image as well. Thanks so much!



READY TO SURRENDER YET? Thank you for your time, I am eternally in your debt, kind Sirs.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

17-Aug-2018 07:14:20 - Last edited on 17-Aug-2018 07:21:23 by Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
And, thus, came The Arc of the FiFi to the world.

And with it came peace, and love, and tolerance, and a plentitude of towels.


Look, do you mind? We are trying to have a nice savage Civil War here. Yet here you come with all this Archangel stuff, preaching peace, love and tolerance and ... oh .... I see. Very cunning. Trying to get in decisive blow in, eh?

WELL! Two can play at that game.

Here, have a look at this! I present to you the GIANT GUINEA PIG OF PEACE!

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

19-Aug-2018 00:07:31 - Last edited on 19-Aug-2018 00:09:26 by Corugi

Corugi

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Well then it looks like there is nothing we can do. Very well. We shall let Trewavas go free.

Call off the ducks.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

19-Aug-2018 09:08:38 - Last edited on 19-Aug-2018 09:14:21 by Corugi

Corugi

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Does that mean Dave is now kept inside a locked iron cage and hosed down with cold water on a regular basis?



I volunteer to do the hosing down!

Trewavas said:
Okay, I take my nose blowing back.


*Reluctantly hands Trewavas's snot back*

Damn, I was going to distill that.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

21-Aug-2018 19:22:39 - Last edited on 21-Aug-2018 19:25:34 by Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Tumang shouldn't fight another!


We have a rich and honoured tradition of fighting each other, as well as everyone and everything else, Kings Abbot. You should not be unduly worried by the regular outbursts of open warfare, base treachery, double crossing, blackmail, extreme sadism and gratuitous violence. As a Belter I am sure you would understand.

Here, let me reassure you, have a seat in this comfy chair and once I have you securely strapped in I will explain everything in more detail...

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

21-Aug-2018 19:31:19 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2018 02:18:04 by Corugi

Corugi

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An excellent suggestion as always Kings Abbot. Indeed I will copy paste the "42" onto the front page for now because.

You are much nicer than Fifi. I dont like Fifi anymore. She gives me hives.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

25-Aug-2018 12:55:41 - Last edited on 25-Aug-2018 12:59:15 by Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Not really my suggestion, but okay.


I know.

Because.

Because the world is round it turns me on
Because the world is round, ahhhhhhh....
Because the wind is high it blows my mind
Because the wind is high, ahhhhhhhh.......



At some point I did try looking for gifs of your suggestion but then I got distracted. Which is rather easy. Much as I would like to remain focused... say, did you know that the dot on top of the letter ‘i’ and ‘j’ is known as a tittle?
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

26-Aug-2018 12:03:54 - Last edited on 26-Aug-2018 12:09:57 by Corugi

Corugi

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Wolfblue42 said:
Take me 42 milord mi pa says it grows back afta year


A generous offer, Wolfy, but unfortunately one we can not accept. You see we know you have been closely associating with girls. So you are now contaminated with girl germs.

Eww.

Keep your distance please.

Now if you don't mind I am going to run a bath of hydrogen peroxide.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Aug-2018 05:44:24

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
I already searched for it myself and there isn't one. We need the magic powers from a powerful wizard who can download a piece of the movie on youtube and turn it in a gif. I am not that wizard.

A tittle, you say? Fascinating!


Nor am I a wizard, despite my mighty powers of unreasonableness.

Now. I have had a good idea.

I have decided that our beloved shop should host a "Boring Conference" in Off Topic. It may even produce some negative sales of towels for our business.

Anyway the premise is this: Boring.

Boring posts, boring facts, boring images.

We discuss the most boring things ever. We try to be as boring as possible. Perhaps we will even succeed.

Whatcha think?
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Aug-2018 05:55:06

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Not as boring as this: I phoned my hairdresser to make an appointment today.


No no no, please stop! Mercy! For the love of Guthix!

It is in the
Off topic
forum. Well away from here. Quick find code: 23-24-294-66038989

Here is a quick link:

Boring
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Aug-2018 19:42:39 - Last edited on 28-Aug-2018 20:20:30 by Corugi

Corugi

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Scouse said:
Just thought i'd pop by, mums not paid internet bill and i just wanna scrounge yours for a bit, need a scrambled egg recipe.

Btw, Mr Corugilander is a big softy irl and stole my left shoe, my right sock, the thumbs from one of my gloves and turned my special umbrella that can't blow inside out in heavy wind...
INSIDE OUT!!!! while it was raining and rudolphs nose is not as glowy as usual.

But, he's mah boi but his feathers are terribly overpriced!

Much love n hate

Scouse - Father of many rabbits


I don't know if you noticed but while you were afk I laid many logs under your feet and set them ablaze.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

24-Sep-2018 09:09:57

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
How did you get changed into a cow?

Anyway, here's the reaction gif that would be too interesting for the boring conferance:


I can't watch that without thinking about the amount of cat urine that would have needed cleaning up.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

24-Sep-2018 09:11:39

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Ye Gods! This thread was halfway down page 2. We'll never get a suitable number of muppets customers wandering in through the door, languishing on page 2 :@

Anyway, so. There's this thread: 23-24-234-66048222

I think Freddie's sterling work on our banner belongs there so that more people may appreciate the exquisite beauty. I'd put it there myself but I'm dim and don't know how to.


Its impossible I am afraid. One cant copy paste the qfc and have Freddie's image copy pasted at the same time.

*throws hands up in the air in despair*
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

26-Sep-2018 12:12:31

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
.

FiFi LaFeles said:
And the hat - THE ROBIN ---
THE FEATHERRRRR !!!!!!


MY GUTHIX! That image!

THE WAR OF THE FEATHER!

Its all coming back to me! I AM GETTING FLASHBACKS!

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

27-Sep-2018 10:45:09 - Last edited on 27-Sep-2018 10:46:42 by Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
Broken Arrow.


18 years of American dream.
He saw that his brother had sworn on the wall.
He hung up his eyelids and ran down the hall.
His mother had told him a trip was a fall.
And don't mention babies at all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5ErV23emfM
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

27-Sep-2018 22:18:18 - Last edited on 27-Sep-2018 22:18:48 by Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
Finding your original avatar was incredibly boring.

So I gave up.


You know all those holes Scouse dug outside the shop? The ones I sometimes visit in the dead of night.

You didnt look there.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

29-Sep-2018 05:57:34

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Also, the very nice image of Trewavas would fit perfectly in the staff list section of Bwian's, don't you think?

Verily I sayeth unto thee, it shalleth be doneth.

Editeth: It hath beeneth doneth.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

30-Sep-2018 23:18:20 - Last edited on 30-Sep-2018 23:37:19 by Corugi

Corugi

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One problem.

If the reason for our existence is to be pointless, then that is a point in itself. The point being pointlessness.

This contradicts the reason for our existence and threatens the see-through fabric of the rather scantily clad, almost indecently so, space-time continuum of our entire Universe.

!!!6!!!

The very nature of reality could fold in on itself! Galaxies would dissolve like jelly crystals in boiling water! Stars would explode in fiery maelstroms just like Chinese firework factories! Train timetables would be disrupted beyond any hope of making Luton by 5.00pm!

MY GUTHIX FIFI! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?

The consequences could be very undesirable. Regrettable almost.

To meet this threat I am therefore declaring....

AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OF THE FIRST MAGNITUDE!


!!!6!!!

Right. Lets decide upon a committee. Who is keeping the minutes of our meetings?

Also: Did you ever consider that my lice might need a hug?
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

01-Oct-2018 10:51:16 - Last edited on 01-Oct-2018 11:00:28 by Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Changing the subject:

Have you noticed that we are not attracting new clientele lately?
What is the matter with Forumers these days, not wishing to patronise the finest AntiClan on Runescape? Damned philistines.

And Corugi has gone AWOL again. I hope he's not setting up a rival Linens Outlet nearby.


Uh....no.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

07-Oct-2018 22:30:36

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
I don't get the reference I think (which hasn't happened to me that much), but I don't want the 10 gp either.


Here's the difference between you and I, Kings Abbot.

You see, I didn't get the reference either. In fact I did a google search of the whole phrase and then just the key words and still failed to get the reference. It made a very loud whoosing sound as it passed right over my head.

But I still want the 10gp. Gimme.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

09-Oct-2018 22:43:07

Corugi

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I...am...not...*gasp*....sure....if....I...have...the...*ugh*...strength..

waterloo....waterloo....waterlooo.....WATERLOOOOO!!!!


must...must...*grunt*..must... not give up....

WATERLOO! WATERLOO! WHAOH WHAOAH WHAOHH! WATERLOO!!!!


need....*uhhh*...help.....please...send.....help!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

20-Oct-2018 07:39:32

Corugi

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Molly Weazly said:
Corugi said:
MY GUTHIX!

He has weaponized ABBA???

Surrender was never an option up until now.


Never give up. We have Lady GaGa on our side.


Yes, we do, but do we really want to risk being condemned as war criminals?
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

21-Oct-2018 12:19:46

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Sorry darling, I can't hear your S.O.S. when I'm near you.

Can't we weaponize ABBA ourselves too? All the things we could do if we had a little money. If we won, we'd take it all and leave the loser standing small!


There are times I fear you.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

21-Oct-2018 12:20:40

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
He is already a Sith Lord.

Daft Darth Rugi.


Sith Lord?

Oh! Is that what those people were calling me all this time? Funny, I could have sworn they were saying something else.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

22-Oct-2018 07:42:11

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Corugi said:
"Festering" did you say?

That's not a moon! That's my head!


Where's the tetsu helmet then?


Umm..in hyperspace?

( Fifi, do you think he will believe that? Look, I ran out of soup bowls when you came for dinner, it still has stains on it from the cyanide residue ).
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Oct-2018 22:04:03

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
Rookie


Thanks!

Now, what are we going to do against our nemesis? We can't allow evil people to roam around if they're not part of Bwian's! We should have the monopoly on that!


I promise to come back if you promise not to cut my hand off. Cut Trewavas's hand off instead. He look a lot more like Luke Skywalker than I do.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

10-Nov-2018 02:08:46

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
My Guthix! I never knew we had a fishing net! We could cath fish with it and not sell it! We could poison the fish, dry it to some Swedish delicacy and give it to Vondur. Wouldn't that be a nifty plan to get rid of our nemesis?


I like this plan. In fact, if we carry it out we could also steal one of his hands and graft it onto me. You see, I am having difficulty picking both sides of my nose. On account of now only having one hand. In fact it could be grafted straight onto my face rather than onto my arm. Then I wouldn't have to reach.

Obviously we need the talents of Trewavas to supply us with a poisoned fish delicacy that we can offer to that...that....GRRRR!...that VONDUR guy!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

11-Nov-2018 21:41:05 - Last edited on 11-Nov-2018 21:43:41 by Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Did Luke ever get his feet cut off? I'm getting bored with cutting off hands and quite fancy a variation in my butchery.


Then its settled!

Fifi will smuggle in the poisoned fish to that Vondur guy and when he eats it, or something, whatever, we will have WON!

Yah!



Lets give a big round applause to all of us....wait. Uhh...you guys clap, I will just flap my hand around.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

13-Nov-2018 13:37:24

Corugi

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Feefs, you would have to address all those complicated inquires to someone with the technical expertise to answer them. That would be Human Resources. Let's see who is in charge of that....

*rustles some papers*

Ahh! That would be you.

Corugi said:
Staff List.


Human Resources

Fifi La Frou


So, once you have received a satisfactory response from yourself, all you have to do is track Vondur down somewhere, anywhere he has posted and is liekly to look again, and then make a post addressed to him containing the image of the poisoned fish. Once he opens the image he is DOOOMED! DOOOOOMED! MWAHAHAHAHAHHA! DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

*giggles*
*does a little jig*
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

15-Nov-2018 23:07:32 - Last edited on 15-Nov-2018 23:13:46 by Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Stop asking difficult questions.


Yeah Jack, we want to feel aggrieved here. Its our GUTHIX GIVEN RIGHT to be outraged.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

22-Nov-2018 10:55:52 - Last edited on 22-Nov-2018 10:56:19 by Corugi

Corugi

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Its taken me a long time to type this. Seeing how not only have my arms fallen off but also the rest of my body. Legs, body ...and head.

The only thing I've got left now is my nose.

ohhhh....the world keeps spinning around, think I'm going to have to sit down....

wait

Damn.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

29-Nov-2018 17:31:04

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Ewww, Abbo what a horrible thing to suggest to poor Treemaid.

Just imagine; she'd go to bed and wake up the next morning, quite forgetting she'd had a decomposing head transplanted onto her shoulders, and the first thing she'd see is 'Rugi's liquifying cranium inches away from her face ~ it's one, remaining but half-rotten eye wobbling and rolling around in it's socket, trying to wink salaciously at her.


I'm not going to let such an opportunity escape me.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

03-Dec-2018 18:28:49

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Quick! Hold hands ...


well, errr, and nostrils.


Ow! Ow! Stop pinching!

By the way Feefs, you are the sole remaining Human left within
CADO
. The rest of us are alien clones. Or in my case, an Alien cloned nose.

Imminent mass Alien Invasion of Earth, with only the tea lady left to defend it.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Dec-2018 12:53:07 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2018 12:55:14 by Corugi

Corugi

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You will have to see Fifi about that, Kings. She is the only Human left working at
CADO
.

You see, the rest of us have been replaced by Alien clones. Including me.

Yes. I am an Alien nose.

We disabled Earth's defenses to let our Alien invasion fleet get through. Now we are set to take over the world and harvest human organs. You would know this if you had clicked on the link in my previous post. Now you will pay for your tardiness.

I hope you dont drink, Kings. I want your liver. I will consider a major upgrade to my current state.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

09-Dec-2018 21:16:01

Corugi

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FatDumb said:
i'm just trying to figure out which shop is yorus is it them one in varrock? you didn' thave any towels but i did get the tinerbox that i needed for fires


Doesnt matter. Just lie here on this operating table and don't squirm. We are fighting a space battle at the moment so try not to distract us with too many squirts of arterial blood.

Now...where were we? Oh yeah...

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

10-Dec-2018 10:24:11 - Last edited on 10-Dec-2018 10:41:10 by Corugi

Corugi

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Well I guess Kings has thwarted the Alien invasion. Dammit.

Now listen. You guys are brilliant. You know that? Look at Fifi's incisive wit. King's amazing story telling talent. Trewava's awesome creativity. Scouse's rolling good humour. I deeply appreciate it all. Its just great.

Its just beautiful.

And that is why it must be destroyed.



There! All done! Another job completed to satisfaction.


Now. Comrades!

I have returned from Eve Online.

Ask me anything. And give me ISK.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

15-Dec-2018 02:40:12

Corugi

Corugi

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Jack Flac said:
Corugi said:
I think you should all start Eve accounts. Just so you can all suffer alongside me.
How much will you pay me?

10 MILLION ISK!

Just meet me near my home station. It's in nullsec. Yes. Where you will be perfectly safe...Yesss.

Kings Abbot said:
Corugi said:
I think you should all start Eve accounts. Just so you can all suffer alongside me.


No thanks.

I find your lack of faith to be... disturbing.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

30-Dec-2018 04:28:54 - Last edited on 30-Dec-2018 04:31:58 by Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Hello, and how are you basement dwellers today?
Satisfyingly smeared in algae, used toilet paper and rat poo, I trust.

You could break free from this misery, you know.
Oh yes indeedy!

All you need to do is make an Eve account and you will know the meaning of utter despair and degradation, and will return to this reeking cesspit with abject gratitude.


Fifi has obviously played Eve.

Apparently it has always been like that. Here is what one player, called Levitate, said about Jita, which is a major trade hub, seven years ago.

Levitate. 7 years ago
Jita is a cesspool of human degeneratives anyway. I hope they nuke the whole thing from orbit.


barsnoop said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
Hang on a sec ..... what's Snoop doing here? I was damned sure we'd eaten her.

I think we need an Exorcist.


I think maybe the pedals on my tricycle stuck in your throat


hums" I like to ride my bicycle"


And yes, apparently Barsnoops somehow managed to escape being dissolved by the juices of the digestive tract. Look, here, I took this snapshot of her just the other day.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

30-Dec-2018 04:37:14 - Last edited on 30-Dec-2018 04:45:06 by Corugi

Corugi

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Anyway...

Here is my first report on Eve Online. Which no one asked for.

Its is absolutely stunningly boring. To play. Which is good. Exactly what I am looking for. Something which I simply will not want to play for any prolonged period of time.

On the other hand the "hands off" approach of the developers and the fairly unregulated nature of the game make for a very interesting community of players, who get up to all sorts of shenanigans.

These people include the very worse distillation of humanity you can imagine. Treachery. Betrayals. Double crossing. Blackmail. Espionage. Senseless violence. Hypocrisy.

These are people entirely without a moral compass. People devoid of any ethics. People wrapped up in their own supreme self importance, manipulative, cruel, stinking of arrogance and soaked in sociopathic inclination. To merely associate with any of them, from even light years away, would be to have one's soul consumed by consummate EVIL.

They are my kind of people.

But here is the kicker, what I really want to share with you about Eve Online. Please sit down, this may come as a shock to you.

THERE IS NO LOG OUT TIMER.

Yes.

That means you can log in, undock your Venture spacecraft, warp it out to mine some asteroid, go afk, mow the lawns, clean the windows, remove the cat from the dishwasher, and come back... AND YOU ARE STILL LOGGED IN! Your spaceship full of ore, floating there in space. Waiting for your further command.

This is a good thing because mining asteroids is astonishingly boring.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

30-Dec-2018 05:08:27

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
^ So basically afk RuneScape where others can raid your stuff when you're mowing the lawn?

Also, mining an asteroid isn't boring when you use explosives. Nitroglycerine should work in the vacuum of space as it contains more oxygen than needed to blow up the stuff. Every four molecules releases one oxygen gas molecule along with the nitrogen gas molecules, carbondioxide and water. Do prevent shocking the stuff, as it is quite unstable.


Enough of your seedy molecular chemistry! Its not even needed in Eve online. Why, one can magically fly through moons and shoot lasers through friendly spaceships into the enemy ones!

Eve has very little basis in physical reality...and that's why I just cant get too interested in it, other than the political and social engineering stuff that goes on. It also contains a fairly high amount of head fuckery and poor design choices that on occasions, shockingly so, even makes Jagex look good.

Ironically, another nail in the game play coffin is the very reason I am dipping my toes in Eve. It has a free to play version, which is a fairly recent thing for EVE. This of course encourages bots.

So you have ftp nublets like me coming along and immediately discovering that not only can a ftp account do bugger all in terms of interesting game play but that you also competing against bots for resources.

On the other hand the Eve community is far more sophisticated and mature than RS. Present company excepted. Of course.

Political intrigue and Machiavellian manipulations are openly admired. The level of carebearism is far less and openly mocked where it does exist. Role play is almost an inherent part of Eve. For example I recently encountered one group called "Code" who act as a mafia, collecting fees from players in return for not attacking their afk mining operations.

I am not the first one to observe that Eve Online is a game far more interesting to read about than it is to play.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

31-Dec-2018 02:21:23

Corugi

Corugi

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Corugi's 3rd report on Eve Online.

Summary: Dont bother. Its as boring as hell.

To get around the stars you have to this two step "warping" thing. Like a teleport animation in RS, but ever so slightly and infuriating longer. Its pretty much the same screen shot every time.

You can set your ship on auto pilot but then you risk getting blown to pieces by other players, especially if you have anything valuable. Even if not then you can spend 20 minutes traveling to anywhere interesting. Now imaging watching your character auto teleporting to Lumbridge for 20 minutes... you get the idea.

You can become a trader. Which means hanging out in a trading hub and buying low and selling high...just like everyone else who does it with the aid of third party programs...which brings me to the point that to do anything well in Eve you need to have a set of third party programs. Making money in Eve is pretty pointless because you will never be able to compete with the basement dwellers who use automated programs to do it 24/7 and who use third party programs to do it a lot more efficiently than you.

The money you do make can really only be spent on outfitting spaceships which can be used to fight NPCs, which is akin to killing monsters in RS although visually and mechanically less interesting. Otherwise you go after players who will kill you within seconds unless you are prepared to spend years learning the the intricacies of Eve's combat which may be simple enough but which is highly obscured by the nomenclature, which essentially means learning an entirely new terminology. In any case as a f2p player you will most likely end up losing against any p2p players. Nope, bugger that.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

04-Jan-2019 06:54:43

Corugi

Corugi

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There are other things you can do but honestly the effort of spending prolonged periods of time warping through star systems to get to them just puts me off. Especially when half the time you will then discover you need some specialized piece of equipment or purchasable skill. These will only be available at a reasonable price at another star system some 20 minutes of warping away.

Haha!

No.

Apparently life can get more interesting in Nullsec areas, which carry a much higher risk to reward ratio. Ive been there a few times. You warp through a gate and get instantly blown into subatomic particles by some guys who spend their days hanging around waiting for people to come warping through. Once you get there you can do more mining or exploring or making stuff or selling stuff for much greater profits and much greater chance of being blown up into a cloud of dust circling a planet. But let's say you start making huge profits, then what? Okay, then you buy better spaceships so you can go hang out and blow up people trying to warp though. Riveting.

The game play is just boring.

The really interesting stuff, the huge wars, the immense spaceship battles happen only rarely, and only if you are part of a big corporation or alliance. Then, someone like me, will just be a tiny cog in a huge machine built up by people who have devoted vast amounts of irl money, irl time, and in game time to achieving these mighty structures.

Likewise for all the politics, social engineering, manipulation, espionage. Years of game investment. I simply can not angle a shortcut where I could achieve anything of note. There have even been players who have spent considerable effort to deliberately acquiring reputations as hypocritical arrogant and immoral sheer bloody bastards. Much as I admire them, I simply can not invest the time required to play a game of catch-up in the bastard stakes.

But I'm not resubbing to RS in the foreseeable future either. Guess I will just float here in space.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

04-Jan-2019 07:14:16

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
If you Google 'Corugi' you can actually find out he used to play Clash of Clans. He mentioned on a forum of that game four years ago or so he was going to make a clan in RuneScape.

If you liked that game, there's a Star Wars version of it as well.


Clash of Clans was fun for a while, but rapidly became seriously pay-to-win beyond a certain point. Bugger that. However I did have fun infiltrating other clans and utterly destroying them from within. I also formed a multi-clan evil empire and even engineered a civil war between our own various clan factions when things became a bit boring. Some said that what I did was CIA operative genius. Which it was. But the majority never forgave me. Which was very wise of them.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

09-Jan-2019 20:39:34

Corugi

Corugi

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Now, I will most probably be retreating greatly from these forums and posting on r/eve or the eve forums.

As someone once said "The signal to noise ratio probably drove him away". Although that is not the reason I packed it in on r/complainscape it does however sadly apply to the RSOF, as it has for years now.

The fact is these peasants are simply not worthy of our attention.

While Eve is utterly boring to play it does have a much greater signal to noise ratio than RS. Many of the people there are utterly bent. I suppose they have to be in order to play that dumb game.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

09-Jan-2019 20:49:53 - Last edited on 09-Jan-2019 20:50:47 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
CLOSED


SPLUTTER!


WHAT?

MY GUTHIX FIFI! How can you be so cold and callous??? So brutal and uncaring??? So devoid of any warm emotion??? So cruelly coated in artificially sweetened ice???

Oh.

Wait.

Its Fifi. Right. So much for an appeal to her humanity. Okay, never mind. But! Anyway!

Did I say I was leaving entirely? NOOOOOOOOOO!

In any case I would expect the
BRAVE AND STRONG WILLED
among you to carry out our long and glorious tradition.

"
BRAVE AND STRONG WILLED
". Hmmm. Nope. That approach will not work either.

OKAY! OKAY! How about....

Doing it for the everlasting fame and glory of nothing less than....

*Drum Roll*

THE HOLY CORUGIAN EMP...


Oh.

Right.

Yeah, suppose it may as well be closed then :(
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

10-Jan-2019 05:33:22

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Are we seriously going to close the shop? We haven't even sold anything...

Well, that was kind of the point, but still.


It's true, I have the market data right in front of me, we have been remarkably successful in achieving zero sales.

Tbh I think its just Fifi trying to be horrid as usual. Yes. I suggest we have her encased in concrete. In the form of a garden gnome. Only leaving her eyes uncovered. Pop her down in the back yard as a sort of creepy garden ornament. Yes. Along with all the others.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

10-Jan-2019 13:12:58 - Last edited on 10-Jan-2019 13:15:08 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
Anyway, hope everyone had a good weekend besides that minor piece of hilarity. Does anybody have any lift music that needs composing while I'm here?


Well seeing as I am just a disembodied nose, some nose music would be nice.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

14-Jan-2019 07:20:27

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Corugi said:
Trewavas said:
Anyway, hope everyone had a good weekend besides that minor piece of hilarity. Does anybody have any lift music that needs composing while I'm here?


Well seeing as I am just a disembodied nose, some nose music would be nice.



That comic made me laugh so hard! I never thought about that.

Wait, you lost your body again? What happened to it this time?


Yeah, I lost another one.



Those bastards in Eve keep blowing up my spaceship. When you get blown up you can escape in a pod. But then they blow that up too. My nose was the only thing to survive.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

14-Jan-2019 22:08:32

Corugi

Corugi

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That was beautiful Trewavas. If I had eyes I would shed a tear, but instead I will just shed a ball of snot.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

14-Jan-2019 22:27:55 - Last edited on 14-Jan-2019 22:28:35 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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They = all the Pixies living inside my computer. Here, look, I snapped a pic of them.



Yes.

I type in a search for "space strategy game", and all these Pixies start furiously typing out replies. Indeed, such is their vigor in responding the inside of my computer gets all hot and sweaty. Unbearably so to the point where it becomes necessary to cull their numbers. A quick burst of fly spray through the cooling vents usually suffices.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

19-Jan-2019 21:37:35

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
*gasp!* A costumer! All to battle stations! Red alert!




Yes, its incredible. I'm unsure whether or not to run away or to pretend I am someone else.

OGpokepal148 said:
Those are some weird looking pixies. They must hail from the lands in the far east.




I'm pretty sure they come from Boston, Massachusetts.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pixies
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

20-Jan-2019 20:52:13 - Last edited on 20-Jan-2019 20:55:57 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Where did the costumer go? I blinked and he was gone! At least no towels were stolen, and the costumer count for 2019 is not zero anymore! Time to celebrate!


Yeah!

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

22-Jan-2019 03:49:55

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Tahlzar said:
If you don't sell towels then what exactly can I buy here?


My Guthix, another costumer! Where are you guys all coming from? 2019 will be a good year!

You can't buy anything here, but we give away grief for free by not selling anything. We accept wasted time too as a currency.


I have come to the conclusion that they are spies.

We need to set them up with on a blind date with a brick wall.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

25-Jan-2019 11:39:31

Corugi

Corugi

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Unfortunately I used the last of the truth serum on myself. Did you know my favorite colour is blue? That came as quite a surprise to me.

Anyway, we have an alternative method to extract the information we need from this rascally Tahlzar fellow.

THE ARMOUR SUIT OF TRUTH!



Its simple enough. We put Tahlzar in the armour suit of truth, then throw him into a deep lake. If he sinks he was telling the truth. If he floats he is telling lies and so we burn him at the stake.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

27-Jan-2019 01:10:59

Corugi

Corugi

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That is certainly an option we could consider. But it means having to travel to Draynor. What if we just chop his head off first then ask him questions? If he gives any answer then it must be a lie. If he remains silent then he is telling the truth.

Then we burn him. Just to be sure.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

27-Jan-2019 18:13:38

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Oh.
As long as the rumor that people disappear here without explanation doesn't get out we should all be fine!


So far we have managed to keep a lid on it. At this point all we need to do is to disappear ourselves and we shall have succeeded!

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

30-Jan-2019 09:31:35

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
I believe we have some competition here, as Tophurious has started a low effort clan called 'carcinogenic'.
I find that this is harassment against me and Bwian's.

TO WAR!!!!


I'm ready.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

01-Feb-2019 00:57:17

Corugi

Corugi

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I'm fixing a hole where the rain got in and stopped my mind from wandering...

Scouse said:
Do you sell face cloths?


Why yes, yes we do, you will find some down in the bottom of this hole.

Corugi said:
Scouse said:
Scouse said:
I refuse to post on this thread after the old lounge was stolen from Rooh!


I said this almost 5 years ago rofl!!!

Such a fibber i am lol


We are in the process of closing down. We need to fill some holes. Including the ones Scouse dug.

*Quickly and violently jumps on Scouse*

*Takes him captive*

*Drags him off to Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop*



Nothing to see here, folks, move along.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

02-Feb-2019 02:12:23

Corugi

Corugi

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You see, there was a reason for digging all those holes outside the shop.

We have safely buried Scouse.

*pats down the dirt*

Now. Mr Kings Abbot. Seeing as we two are now the only regular users of this thread, I shall share my heinous plan with you.

We are going to bury this thread.

With the bodies of our dearly beloved forum users.

Our mission is clear. To capture those who once used this thread and bury them in the holes which were dug earlier in anticipation of this event.

Its simple. We just wait to see if they post somewhere else. Then we capture them just like I did to our scouser friend. THEN WE BURY THEM !!!6!!!

That accomplished we then bury each other.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

02-Feb-2019 02:14:10 - Last edited on 02-Feb-2019 02:25:40 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Jack Flac said:
Isn't that jumping the gun a little? I mean, what are we going to feed the things out back if we bury everyone?


*VIOLENTLY JUMPS ON JACK FLAC!*

Right. We got ourselves another one here....
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

02-Feb-2019 02:38:45

Corugi

Corugi

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Right, let's grab the spades and shovels. I have got Fifi here. She's inside the potato sack. Those aren't her clothes. No, she is inside.

Corugi said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
Now I have an ear worm of that horrid song :@




Having cunningly disguised himself as a Rick Astley meme, no one ever suspected Corugi was lurking on this page, much less waiting to claim more landfill for his thread's many holes.

*Suddenly leaps out and bags Fifi into a potato sack!*

*Drags her off to the shop for burial*

...

*The dust settles*

*It was so quick, so unexpected, and everyone wonders what just happened*
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

04-Feb-2019 03:53:56

Corugi

Corugi

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Jack Flac said:
Corugi said:
Jack Flac said:
Isn't that jumping the gun a little? I mean, what are we going to feed the things out back if we bury everyone?


*VIOLENTLY JUMPS ON JACK FLAC!*

Right. We got ourselves another one here....
Nah. You got my body double.

By the way, I filled it with TNT, so I'd be careful if I were you.


I wonder why the first grave exploded. Made a dreadful mess.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

04-Feb-2019 03:55:15

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
I'm not here for two days, and Corugi is already trying to kill everyone instead of starting a war against Tophurious' Carcinogenic. I thought you liked
WAR!!!


Here's some battle music to get you in the right mood:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AphxyjrH4SE


Stirring music... yes... just epic. But its too late....

They are already dead. They are dead because the entire RSOF is dead. I am just burying them. Now, pass me that spade please?

P.S. The 8th post on the first page has been designated as the cemetery.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

04-Feb-2019 04:10:11 - Last edited on 04-Feb-2019 04:19:08 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Burp.

*Places overly full coffee cup on the complaint form and bumps it just a little bit.*

Oh dear! What a mess!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

11-Feb-2019 13:19:13 - Last edited on 11-Feb-2019 13:26:45 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
That's really cute ^_^


Also not that healthy I think, but you just can't say "no" to such a cute nose!


Is that a fact?

*Quickly finds a cute nose gif*

Gimme yur bank. All ovit.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

24-Apr-2019 15:56:04

Corugi

Corugi

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*quickly installs hidden cameras to make sure the staff are doing nothing properly*

YOU THERE!

YOU!

WAS THAT A PULSE I SAW?

Damned slackers, next thing ya know they will start breathing on the job....
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

02-May-2019 05:54:12

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Luna Kitten said:
FiFi LaFeles said:

You can make an express application by placing your resume directly in the paper shredder.


Lmao I'm dead


Oh God! Not another dead body! What do we do with this one?


Simple. We get Scouse to dig some more holes. He's very good at it, you know, and he enjoys the work.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

06-May-2019 17:33:27

Corugi

Corugi

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Feefs is..is...is that you?



See? I warned you about the dangers of maxing.

In other news...

I gave up on that sci-fi game "Eve" for the following reasons:

1) Its dumb.

After that I attempted to get a life. I failed.

Since then I played HOI3 and conquered the world as Romania by 1940. This led me to the following stunning conclusions:

1) HOI3 is dumb.

Occasionally, about once a month, I log into RS for a few minutes and see how much of my bank I have sold so far. All those millions of items... and I just dont care anymore. They are meaningless, of no value to me whatsoever. I have forgotten what most of them were for. You did something important with maple logs I seem to recall...

I should just take them into da wildee and drop them. But that would require too much effort.

I could just give them away. But that would mean interacting with people. Eww. Yukky.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

04-Jul-2019 03:54:50 - Last edited on 04-Jul-2019 04:08:15 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Taus said:
[bump]
Bump
[/bump]


Did anyone bother to tell these nublets just how much we hate bumps?

Look here, Vegan Pie, just stand over here for a moment, would ya? Yess. Good. Right there. No, dont move, I will be right back. Hang on.

...

Here we go...

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

04-Jul-2019 04:23:37

Corugi

Corugi

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Comrades! I have good news from the front!

I have succeeded in extracting the 6th Army from Stalingrad, in fact I even managed to launch a counter offensive on the lower Don River. It always pays to put von Manstein in charge of Army Group South. Meanwhile I have stalled the Allies in Normandy. Thanks to my superior economic planning I will be able to produce large numbers of Me262's, soon I will regain Air Superiority over the Ruhr and DESTROY those Allied bombers before they inflict any more damage to my battered industry. Soon victory shall be mine!

ALL SHALL FALL BENEATH THE MECHANIZED DIVISIONS OF ZA GLORIUS CORUGIREICH!



...

Wait. This is "Hearts of Iron" isn't it?

No?

Bugger.

*scuttles off*
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

17-Aug-2019 01:25:11 - Last edited on 17-Aug-2019 01:44:25 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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[imgur src=]FiFi LaFeles said:
What were you doing sneaking around in Twillow's bathroom?


Perhaps I am Twillow.

Ghazgkull said:
the shadow of that towel looks like president cheeto


Great Guthix! So it does! Well spotted! So we know at last, Twillow's towel is President Cheeto.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

06-Sep-2019 03:56:19 - Last edited on 06-Sep-2019 03:58:17 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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The threat of a jolly good and catastrophic
WAR
is off, I'm afraid. In one masterful stroke he crafty whipped out a deftly concealed SNITCH™ card and thus all my crafty plans were thrown into utter disarray.

Original message details are unavailable.
Trying to bribe one of the judges, eh? The penalty of that is not being allowed to witness any ceremony ever.
Now stop derailing the thread, or I’ll have September 2019’s MUPAQ™ nominee Tufty have your posts removed.


Obviously it is time for me to step down and pass the mantle of SUPREME GUARDIAN OF EXECUTIVE SILLINESS onto one much more deserving. I nominate Tophurious. Is he willing to accept such a soul crushing burden of irresponsibility?
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

07-Sep-2019 17:16:52 - Last edited on 07-Sep-2019 17:17:10 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Wow! You sound just like 'Rugi. But you probably smell better.

Has this derelict outfit recruited anyone lately, or are we still in the "go away we hate you" phase?


I thought we had moved on to the "We hate you even if you aren't here" phase long ago.

Oh, and we must keep bumping our threads just to keep the Caped Carchasers from being in top spot.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

20-Sep-2019 15:07:21 - Last edited on 20-Sep-2019 15:08:50 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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I think you need to share these works of art with the rest of the world as well. Perhaps open a gallery. My only concern would be someone making forgeries of your creations. I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

25-Sep-2019 15:40:05

Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
It's harder than I thought.


Especially when you have that goddamned awful Toto playing in your head as you read it! To compose those lyrics must have been traumatic.

You probably need some Dmitri Shostakovich to help you relax now.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wartowCFx4
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Sep-2019 08:34:26

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
'Gloopicaaaa' ?

heh heh

That must be the strange substance sloshing around between 'Rugi's ears.


You, young lady, have OBVIOUSLY never listened to Dmitri Shostakovich.

!!!6!!!

Anyone who, while living in the USSR during WW2, could write a symphony which is immediately denounced as being "counter-revolutionary and anti-Soviet" surely deserves at least a brief listen. Even if just to denounce him and have him packed off to a Siberian Gulag.

Dmitri Shostakovich - Symphony No. 8 in C-Minor, Op. 65

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN8Btz8voHk
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

29-Sep-2019 15:28:38

Corugi

Corugi

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And so began the Soviet Corugian Show trials of 2019....

FiFi LaFeles said:
Of course I've listened to Shostakovich.
He's my cousin and I taught him everything he knows
.

In fact,
I recruited him into this smelly excuse of a Clan
quite early on, but I think Scouse buried him during one of his pit-digging frenzies.


COMRADES! Here we have proof that Fifi is an agent of CAPITALIST IMPERIALISM!

!!!6!!!


Related to a known enemy of the people and responsible for teaching him EVERYTHING HE KNOWS!

Then! She recruited this subversive classical composer into our clan with the sole intention of OVERTHROWING the Corugian way of not doing anything!

!!!6!!!


I say, send her off the the SALT MINES!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

30-Sep-2019 13:10:17

Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
.


Yes, obviously this Fifi agent has also managed to infiltrate Jagex to the very highest levels. The talent she showed at designing the Mole Quest should have tipped us off.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

04-Oct-2019 05:46:55

Corugi

Corugi

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FreeScouse said:
I rose from the ashes, choc, perfume from asda and my own gravestone flowers are in the post!!!

Much love

Scouse - Actually wearing nothing but a towel and socks.


Trying to outdo me in the charm and style stakes, eh? Well! I can play that game too, Scouse!

*rolls around in the carcass of a long dead sheep*
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

05-Oct-2019 22:45:07

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
BUMP



OHHHHHHH! You made a "bump". The lowest form of posting known to Humanity. You... you... you... Degenerate! Chloroplast! Barnacle! Paramecium!...no...no..no, even those are too evolved to describe the depths to which you have succumbed!

YOU VIRUS!

No. Actually, although scientists are still yet to decide whether a virus is a life form or not, and despite its devastating impact as a vector of disease, it is still a well ordered from of organic matter which maintains self integrity against the laws of entropy. Therefore calling you a virus is still insufficient reaction to the base and disgusting nature of your post. I need to describe you in the very lowest manifestation of existence known to exist.

Hmmm... Some research is needed here. Hang on, I will be right back, just a tick...

*later*

YOU QUARK!

Wait. What? There is something even more elementary than quarks? Oh..okay then what? ...oh, so then, a vibrating pieces of...something...called "strings", existing in a multitude of dimensions at immensely small scales, barely understandable by all but the brightest minds on this planet? Well.

FIFI! YOU STRING!


Doesn't quite cut it, does it? String. Yeah. Doesn't really carry any sort of verbal impact. Its lacking in appropriate outrage. Damn. Look, I will set up a committee to examine this problem, with sub-committees formed to examine all the various aspects. They will report back in, and I will pool their findings for further examination at a future date with view to reaching a conclusion.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

22-Oct-2019 02:34:19

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
I'm surprised the boiling outrage didn't erupt into outright declarations of war...


I must have written that on a Sunday. I dont declare
WAR
on Sundays. No. Sundays are reserved for blow torches, bruising and burials.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

25-Oct-2019 13:21:45 - Last edited on 25-Oct-2019 13:23:25 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
I bet he smells awful when he gets warm.


Nowhere as bad as when I was talked into trying some veggie burgers. Sweet mother of Guthix....

I became one with THE PUMP. It was truly shocking. On a scale unprecedented in the history of farting. You know how astronomers call the beginning of the Universe "The Big Bang"? Well, if they had been making a study of me then they would have called me "THE BIG RIPE RIPPER"

Or maybe "THE BIG BLAP WHUMPER"

Or maybe "HOLY FUCK! TAKE COVER! HERE IT COMES AGAIN! PLEASE GOD SAVE US!"

Something like that anyway. I am surprised you guys are still standing actually.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

03-Nov-2019 15:33:37

Corugi

Corugi

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Scouse said:
...the local police have now arrested the real culprit and are no longer after him for fare dodging and robbing socks from washing lines.


How dare they arrest me on such trumped up charges! It was undies I done nicked, Guv, not them sockies.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

15-Nov-2019 02:08:02

Corugi

Corugi

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You forgot what you were going to say?

Then I, the MIGHTY CORUGI, shall say assist you with your desperate scramble to gather your wits.

FiFi LaFeles said:
Corugi is without doubt the greatest living being on the planet. Sure, its questionable which planet, but that is a minor detail when you take into account his God-like powers and aura of invincibility.

There! Fixed!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

27-Dec-2019 18:08:03 - Last edited on 27-Dec-2019 18:11:49 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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You most certainly said exactly that. The forums dont lie. Furthermore you also went onto say...

FiFi LaFeles said:
We can all thank Corugi for merely existing. Without him our sad and dreary lives would be much sadder and even more dreary. As a token of my appreciation for what the great Corugi has done for us I am going to give him all my bank. I think everyone should do the same or else be crucified.

Signed (
in blood
): Most definitely Fifi Somethingorother and absolutely not an imposter
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

29-Dec-2019 02:54:09 - Last edited on 29-Dec-2019 02:56:31 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Scouse said:
So after 90 minutes of shaking myself dry like a shaggy dog because i fell in a puddle " a deepish one" i just thought i'd pop by and say hello, i would have been here earlier if someone invented an item that may have helped me but i have searched hi and low for a shop that sells such an item to no avail.

Much love

Scouse - Slightly damp


I fall into puddles all the time. I dont bother shaking myself. I'd just get dirty again.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

18-Jan-2020 10:22:40

Corugi

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I thought we were done posting on this thread. I was hoping to see it quietly slip away into an pervading eternal darkness of utter oblivion. Just like my hopes and dreams.

And who is this Crispy Weeb noob and why has no one tricked him into setting himself in concrete?
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

06-Jun-2020 17:15:08

Corugi

Corugi

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Crispy Weeb said:
Corugi said:
I thought we were done posting on this thread. I was hoping to see it quietly slip away into an pervading eternal darkness of utter oblivion. Just like my hopes and dreams.

And who is this Crispy Weeb noob and why has no one tricked him into setting himself in concrete?


I shall go willingly if you sell me any towel


No, actually we want you to stay. We want you to stay and enjoy a nice and relaxing... umm... BATH! Yes. Yes, of course. A bath. Baths and towels go together. Just keep your clothes on and step into the empty bathtub.

Now close your eyes, lie still and relax, while we back up the truck and gently pour in some nice warm water scented with herbs and rose petals. Yes. Nice warm soothing water. Yes.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

10-Jun-2020 02:54:09 - Last edited on 10-Jun-2020 02:56:39 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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There will be no holidays until I find and destroy the American aircraft carriers. MY GOD! THERE'S ONE RIGHT NOW! ZOMGEX!



Quick! Man the antiaircraft batteries!

Wait. Someone said I smell?
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

12-Jun-2020 11:58:53

Corugi

Corugi

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Curse those divebombers!



I can assure you that this is just a temporary setback.



Just a new lick of paint and it will be fine.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

12-Jun-2020 12:03:42 - Last edited on 12-Jun-2020 12:07:58 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Scouse said:
Mr Corugilander, will you be opening for trade on monday the 15th or have you always been open in the essential store bracket?

Much love

Scouse - Had to drip dry for the last 3 months =(


I happen to very busy at the moment Scouse. After all my carriers were sunk off the coast of some damned forsaken island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean I have been fighting desperately in defense of the sacred Coruginese homelands. I may need to resort to extreme measures. Such as strapping able bodied young warriors to slices of bread and throwing them at the enemy in a glorious one way mission.

Say... You are an able bodied young warrior. Do you like flying?

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

14-Jun-2020 20:43:43

Corugi

Corugi

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Please will you horrible people stop making bump posts? There is one thing I can not abide and that is bump posts. Actually I cant abide noobs either. Or cat food. Or stale madeira cake. For that matter there are a number of things I can't abide.

Cold ears
Wet clothes
Speed bumps
Coffee stains
Flatearthers
The number "6"
Chewing gum on seats
Switzerland
Loud noises
Doors that dont shut properly
Flat tyres
Static
Uncomfortable chairs
Crowds
Wind
Traffic lights
Gravity
One way streets
Yellow
Los Angeles
Drunks
Morning
Venetian blinds
Phones
The Ottoman Empire
The smell of sardines
Sand...

I could go on. But I really dont like "bumps". You are quite welcome to discuss my plans for the defense of Iwo Jima and how I am going to sink the American carriers by luring them into range with soggy bread crusts. AND THAT IS WHEN I WILL UNLEASH MY KAMIKAZI SCOUSE BOMBERS! Mwhahaha! Those feathery Yankee bastards wont know what hit them.



With victory assured I should be able to finally enjoy a fresh cup of tea and some fresh madeira cake. Mmmm.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

15-Jun-2020 15:53:13

Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
Corugi said:
bump


Right. Forget about aircraft carriers and Kamikazis and the battleship Yamamoto and everything else in life that is both delicate and graceful.

I am going to wage
WAR
on Trewavas. I always suspected him of being a Polish bunker anyway.



Kings Abbot said:
I know, right? It's coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere!

I hope this is not leading to a discussion about discipline.

Treemaid said:
Fresh Madeira cake is but stale Madeira cake in infancy. Just saying.


Its life expectancy is stunningly short in my house. Usually less than few hours.

Hey look, its Treemaid. The acceptable face of Grief. Popping in to make your regular yearly post. You remind me of that other once a year poster. Whatshisnub Cubv or something. I dont know how you guys manage to be so randomly regular. In fact I suspect you of being alts.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

17-Jun-2020 04:09:50 - Last edited on 17-Jun-2020 04:29:02 by Corugi

Corugi

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This is Trewavas after I had finished with him.



Actually I am pretty sure it was Trewavas. I think he occupies a position on the Vistula river.

FiFi LaFeles said:
BUMP


Right. You're next, Miss Bumpypants.

SEND IN THE TURTLE PANZERS!

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

18-Jun-2020 08:31:37 - Last edited on 18-Jun-2020 08:43:31 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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"After
all my carriers were sunk
off the coast of some damned forsaken
island
in the
middle
of the
Pacific Ocean
"


It appears no one got my "Midway" reference.

Battle of Midway. Small island in the middle of the Pacific. Japanese carriers sunk. Four of them to be exact. Decisive turning point in the Pacific war. No? Us military history freaks take our military history very seriously you know, we dont often joke around. No. Hardly at all. Its serious, see?

Anyway I got tired of losing so I resigned that game and started a fresh one. As a belligerent war mongering United States. You see its possible to adjust the political policies of the governments in this game, as well as the economics. So just for fun I put the United States on a war footing as early as 1936. By the cunning use of spies, and through increasing my international threat I managed to reduce my neutrality down to the point where I could declare war on Canada the following year. Fat Canadian bastards. They had it coming.

Once you pull off that sort of stunt then the scripted historical events go off the rails and anything becomes possible. Within reason. It makes for some intriguing scenarios.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

22-Jun-2020 03:42:42 - Last edited on 22-Jun-2020 03:43:48 by Corugi

Corugi

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"She was launched on 6 August 1943, sponsored by Mrs. A. A. Kirby."

What? Sponsored? By a Mrs Kirby? What the hell is "sponsoring" a warship? Do you like help pay for it? Sit back and knit sweaters while its being launched and nod approvingly and say "Well I do so hope they sink one of those dreadful German Uboats", while the Vicar pours another cup of tea?

I will not rest until I find the source of this nonsense. ( He said, having already done a google search, and found the answer. )

Ahh! Here we go.

"A ship sponsor, by tradition, is a female civilian who is invited to "sponsor" a vessel, presumably to bestow good luck and divine protection over the seagoing vessel and all that sail aboard.[1] In the United States Navy and the United States Coast Guard the sponsor is technically considered a permanent member of the ship's crew and is expected to give a part of her personality to the ship, as well as advocate for its continued service and well-being. For passenger ships the sponsor is called a godmother if the sponsor is female, or a godfather if the sponsor is male."


Well I never. Crumpets and biscuits. Hmm, "give a part of her personality to the ship". Just imagine if Fifi sponsored a ship....it would immediately sink.

MY GUTHIX! I just had a brilliant idea! A truly evil war winning strategy. I will simply get Fifi to sponsor all the enemy ships! VICTORY SHALL BE MINE! Without firing a shot.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

24-Jun-2020 02:45:20 - Last edited on 24-Jun-2020 03:06:30 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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From:
Corugi
Supreme Commander of Corugian Naval Forces

To:
Enemy Fleet.

Dear Mr Enemy Fleet.

I know we have been at war, running around sinking each other's ships and all that. But really I do think its time for us to put our differences aside and make peace. Yesss. We should live together in harmony without all this jolly blasting each other to pieces with high explosives torpedoes and stuff. Dontcha think? Yesss. As a token of my goodwill I am sending one of my representatives over to your country so she can "sponser" all your ships. All of them. Even the big battleships. This will bring good luck and fortune to all who sail upon them.

Cordial regards and best wishes.
Corugi.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

24-Jun-2020 03:01:44

Corugi

Corugi

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I dont think they will be a problem now. They blew themselves up rather than be sponsored by Fifi. Said it was safer.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

25-Jun-2020 03:41:07 - Last edited on 25-Jun-2020 03:51:05 by Corugi

Corugi

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Then its settled. Fifi will sponsor Trewavas fleet. Heheheh!

Trewavas, as soon as Fifi is done sponsoring your fleet and imbibing her personality upon it, we shall be at WAR!

WAR!


I have ordered my battleships to depart port and search the seas for the wreckage of your fleet. There may be surviving sailors in need of rescue.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Jun-2020 00:50:39 - Last edited on 28-Jun-2020 00:51:54 by Corugi

Corugi

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TAKE THIS YOU...YOU...YOU VAGRANT!



But I want those 15" armor piercing shells back after you have been sunk. Shit's expensive, yo.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

30-Jun-2020 05:12:27 - Last edited on 30-Jun-2020 05:13:04 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Umm. *Thinks for a minute* Ah! Yes! It was a deliberate mistake to see if you were paying attention! Yess. Now that I know you are, TAKE THIS! YOU...YOU...YOU ENDOPLASMIC RETICULUM!



Trewavas's pants after those
BIG SHELLS
had finished with him.



Yeah, I know, I know, with pants that thick he must be a big boy.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

01-Jul-2020 04:20:29

Corugi

Corugi

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Some girls find large boys attractive, so we shouldn't feel sorry for him. Look at the sort of cutie a big lad like him can score.



In other non-news that no one cares about...

Very interesting game going on as a highly aggressive Soviet Union. I declared war on Japan in 1937 after they invaded China. ( You need the right conditions for war declaration, which can make it hard to be a naughty boy unless you plan waaaaay ahead ). Japan joined the Axis so that put me at war with Germany. Only there is Poland in the way. So I invade Poland in 1938. A long brutal slog developed since we are talking 1938 technology here, basic infantry, useless tanks, hardly any air-force, primitive supply systems, poor military doctrines. Basically its still world war 1 warfare.

So we end up with Germany, Japan and Poland on the same side, fighting the Soviet Union in 1938. Then the UK declared war on Germany. So we now we have the UK and France at war with Poland and the rest of the Axis powers in 1938. Interesting.

The UK is also at war with Afghanistan. Yeah, I had a couple of spare mountain corps so I decided to invade Afghanistan. Who then promptly joined the Axis. Putting them at war with Britain, who is allied with France...and Iraq...and Nepal...and... It gets complicated.... Anyway a lot of convoys were getting sunk by submarines.

I would have to say the team that designed this game put an incredible amount of effort into it. If you do the same historical things which actually happened, you get the same sort of historical results. Go off the rails and do stuff like I just did and you get some very interesting unhistorical scenarios, but generally plausible ones. At the same time the game is also modelling weather conditions, supply logistics, attrition, the international economy, international politics, internal politics, espionage, technological developments, as well as doing all the BANG! and BOOM! stuff.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

02-Jul-2020 03:56:06 - Last edited on 02-Jul-2020 03:58:56 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Corugi said:




Can you do fun stuff with Belgium?


Yes. You can cut off their supply convoys. They run out of sugar and surrender within a week.

Actually I have never played a game as Belgium. The smaller powers tend to have a very limited scope in what they can do, mostly the historical economic and political constraints. Far too peaceful for my liking. Having said that though, it is possible to exploit some of the game mechanics and do weird stuff. For example I read an AAR by some guy went on a world conquest as Luxembourg through doing some very gamey things involving spies, strange alliances and paratroops. But you have to know the game mechanics very well to pull off that sort of stunt.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

06-Jul-2020 07:32:12 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2020 07:41:36 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
spite bump


Trewavas said:
I can assure you that my bump will be made with even more spite.


That does it. No more Mr Nice Corugi. Time to rustle up the old firing squad.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

06-Jul-2020 07:33:11 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2020 07:37:00 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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We tried a variety of that. It was called "The Politeness War." We tried to be polite to each other.
Corugi said:
Civil War! The clan has ascended into civil war. Again. This time its being fought through cloying good manners, mutual respect, and unequivocal courtesy. Hence its name, "The Politeness War". Without a doubt it is surely the most sickening war to have ever engulfed our normally rude and ill-tempered clan.


Anyway if i recall correctly we all became exhausted by the effort, I think we couldn't even stomach that level of debased inhumanity.

And besides I am not nice. I am a disgrace to everything good and decent. Here, have a cup of tea. Do you take one broadside or two?

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2020 05:19:47 - Last edited on 08-Jul-2020 05:25:01 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Oh all right then. I will agree for the greater good. We can be nice to each other. In fact I have recently found a very pleasant chap who dresses in a black suit. His name is Nex. I have hired him as a "niceness" advisor. I want you all to meet him. Preferably somewhere in a dark alley with a nearby dumpster. I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2020 05:49:14 - Last edited on 08-Jul-2020 05:58:37 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Hi Guys, I hope you didn't mind being massacred by Nex and his marshmallow machine gun. You would have to admit though that his gf is very cute.

Anyway, no hard feelings, eh? Anyway, see you all round next time I visit the clan cemetery on page 1.

Corugi said:
This is the Cemetery post. This is where we bury our dead. Please be respectful and keep the laughter and alcohol consumption to within acceptable levels.



RIP all those marshmallowed to death by Nex in the great clannie hit of 2020.



Oh man, she is CUTE, isn't she?
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2020 06:57:04 - Last edited on 08-Jul-2020 07:04:45 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Mr Scouse

Tintin is quite right, we do not sell towels. But we do sell holes. In fact you were put in charge of digging them.

Corugi said:
Scouse said:
I would like to hereby send in my resignation and leave bwians towel and grief shop on the basis that i have been left out of the managerial list.

If you rip my resignation letter up and try and tell me i can't ever leave i will find you all and smear your front doors with the meat out of a sausage skin mixed with some daddies tomato sauce and start a revolt thingy called Gwief and attack using the !!!7!!! symbols

Or you can give me some sort of recognition.....


Why, it so happens we do have an opening for some one of your skills and experience....

DIGGING HOLES!

With Peeps, in the maintenance department.

Make sure you dig 'em deep now. They are going to come in very useful later on.



Now seeing as how its been raining so much I expect those holes which have not been filled with unwanted bodies will now be full of water.

Here is a straw. Get sucking. We need those holes nice and dry. Cant have our customers complaining and wanting refunds.

Sookie Lala said:
!!!
6
!!!


You can help Scouse. There is only one straw so you will have to take turns.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

18-Jul-2020 19:06:43 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2020 19:26:38 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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I actually had to dig back a few pages to find the above quote by Scouse. In going through the opening ten pages or so of this thread I was reminded of the high quality of posting our beloved clan threads have enjoyed. I enjoyed reading them after this time. In fact I had a few giggles. More than few giggles actually. I had a gaggle of giggles. By way of comparison here is a gaggle of geese.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

18-Jul-2020 19:23:58 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2020 19:27:54 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

Posts: 19,109Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
FiFi LaFeles said:
They're his concubines, stolen from a nearby farm.
But don't worry, I've phoned the Authorities.



Nonsense, I married every one of them. They are my wives, not concubines. Its was all very legal, albeit expensive. The price of shotguns these days is just ridiculous. I would confess I have never consummated any of the marriages. They are geese, for Heaven's sake! Gooey piles of stinky crap all over and inside the bed.... they all said they would never tolerate that. *sigh*

Furthermore that cant be the Sheriff, it may be his deputy. I shot the Sheriff.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

23-Jul-2020 00:08:15

Corugi

Corugi

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I have scattered landmines across the shop floor. Anyone posting "bump" or similar will set off a land mine. These are random explosions and may happen anywhere. Good luck team!

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

27-Jul-2020 03:19:08

Corugi

Corugi

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Averia Light said:
Since we have no sales and no recruits, I can see that the total of commissions we owe you equals $0.


Can't we add an internment fee, so that Fifi owes us money? Forcing our employees to pay us for working for free seems like a robust business model.

Averia, you wouldn't believe the terrible mistreatment I have suffered at the hands of these vile clannies. Insults, beatings, impalement, rat bait in my coffee. They even hung me over the shop windows after I sold the last curtain. The ingrates. After the wonderful job opportunities I offered them as ballistic missile test pilots.

FiFi LaFeles said:
Breaking my back every day, sweating over holes full of rotting ... err, pools of spa mud. Ironing and folding towels that aren't there, bowing and scraping to customers that didn't actually come into the shop .....


We all have to put in some effort. I have been hard at work stocking the shop shelves with air. I might add you guys dont make this task any easier, what with occasionally breathing.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Jul-2020 15:51:53 - Last edited on 28-Jul-2020 16:23:30 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Corugi said:
I have scattered landmines across the shop floor. Anyone posting "bump" or similar will set off a land mine. These are random explosions and may happen anywhere.

Ghazgkull said:
tacos

You were warned.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Jul-2020 15:58:08 - Last edited on 28-Jul-2020 16:00:10 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Our humor is indeed very dark, but that's because the lights here are crap. They're incandescent bulbs from the the late 1800's for Guthix' sake!


Really? But I was under the impression the shop's lighting was provided by burning my earwax. At least that is what Trewavas said when I discovered him mining my head with a pick axe.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Jul-2020 16:12:08

Corugi

Corugi

Posts: 19,109Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Staff Notices.


There will be a staff meeting this week, all day, everyday. Toilet breaks are not permitted. Bring your own bag.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Jul-2020 16:30:47 - Last edited on 28-Jul-2020 16:31:26 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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I turn my back for one minute and already they are planning to divide me by zero. The rapscallions.

Well, I know how to deal to that sort of threat! I will immediately convert myself into an imaginary number! Ha! Try dividing that by zero!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

01-Aug-2020 03:48:20

Corugi

Corugi

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Trewavas said:
Also, bump.

Et tu, Trewavasus



Averia Light said:
Maybe use some of those resumes of the applicants that came in as tissue?

I wondered why the paper shredder got jammed.

Kings Abbot said:
Zero is also imaginary. It 0 + 0i All numbers are just two-dimensional with a real part and an imaginary part so every quadratic equation can be solved.

If you are going to get all fancy pants maths on me I will set Norman Wildberger on you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3-wqjV6z5E
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

01-Aug-2020 12:01:29 - Last edited on 01-Aug-2020 12:09:30 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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I like it when strange things happen.

I watched this video expecting some highly convoluted and complicated answer, but it appears no one knows why. Which is interesting.

WARNING! CONTAINS MATH. ( Its pretty easy to follow and I am sure you will have oodles of fun afterwards watching your tap dripping. Didn't like the bit about the rabbits though. )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovJcsL7vyrk
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

10-Aug-2020 00:18:44

Corugi

Corugi

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What do you mean last four month..... ZOMGEX! It's August already! What happened to the first 8 months?

ZOMGEX !!!6!!! Someone has been stealing months!

I demand a full investigation. Kings Abbot, you are in charge. You are authorized to use torture and threats of hour long computer science tutorials to extract a confession.

I remind you that we are not signatories to the Geneva convention.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

23-Aug-2020 06:46:50

Corugi

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Say, if you are going back in time would you mind having a look around for the Big Bang? Take a photo if you find it. There's some guy who insists it never happened. I want to prove him wrong. It may look a little like this, but less fruity.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

24-Aug-2020 15:34:51

Corugi

Corugi

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ohhhhhhhh.......that fireworky one was pretty!

I think that should be the minimum standard for all fireworks from now on. Wait. I will pass a law to make it so.... Done.

Right, I have decided that our clan needs to take a new direction. We all going to become hired assassins. I believe it may prove more profitable than not selling towels.

Yes. We are moving into the prearranged death service industry. Our company name will be...

DEAD ON TIME
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Aug-2020 07:42:54

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
I don't like to go there, it's the most wretched hive of scum and villany.


Yes. And? Don't you want to feel at home?

A short history lesson. We actually started off in Rants, by foaming at the mouth and throwing chairs across the room and calling Jagex BIG FAT RAMPAGING NOOBS and the such. We didn't actually care so much about the game other than foaming at the mouth and throwing chairs across the room....and calling Jagex BIG FAT RAMPAGING NOOBS. Yes, yes. Very satisfying to do that.

Then we got banned, banned again, banned a bit more, posts deleted, threads locked and hidden. Not to mention the NPCs became too unruly at times. The signal to noise ratio became too small. So in what can only be described as masterstroke of genius we migrated here. Away from the maddening crowd. So clan Grief was born. And its bastard child, Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop.

But I still scan Rants occasionally, in the forlorn hope that the beloved Stellaboots will one day return. There's some more history right there, but its too painful for me to go....

*SOBS INCONSOLABLY!*

STELLABOOTS! COME BACK!

Technical note: While the sobbing might officially be described as inconsolable, its not strictly so. In fact consolation can be achieved by donating large amounts of gold into the "Console the Corugi" fund. Please give generously.

Anyway, if I spy Fifi or Nex loitering there I will usually jump in and try to be annoying. I am quite proud of my success rate in this regard.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

01-Sep-2020 17:21:26 - Last edited on 01-Sep-2020 17:24:21 by Corugi

Corugi

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You obviously did not read the fine print when you joined the clan. Here it is, I have just made it up now, and it applies retrospectively.

"By posting on this thread you become a clannie. All clannies shall give all their money to Corugi. Now. This is just how the world works. No point arguing."

Gimme.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

02-Sep-2020 23:33:16

Corugi

Corugi

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Our Motherland is under imminent threat by hostile counter revolutionary forces and you are concerned with ads?

I urge you to put aside such capitalist concerns and place your energy into serving the needs of the Proletariat. This is nothing less than a class struggle between the good politically correct workers, such as myself, and the oppressive capitalists of the military-industrial complex, such as Fifi.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

19-Sep-2020 00:09:30

Corugi

Corugi

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You have both been fired and rehired as hole diggers. You can assist the long suffering and hard working Scouse, who in addition to being head of the maintenance department, also happens to be an expert on all things Earthy.

Scouse said:
Earth towels give you splinters!!!

Scouse - Muddy arse


We need holes. Lots of holes. I expect many casualties from the "Great Patriotic War of Worker's Liberation from the Vile Capitalist Machinations of the Evil Fifi."

Comrades. This will be a long and hopefully very bloody conflict. But remember you have nothing to lose but your chains and bicycle locks.

LONG LIVE THE GLORIOUS SOVIET SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF THE HOLY CORU... ummm.. I mean OF BWIAN'S TOWEL AND GRIEF SHOP.

*insert patriotic frenzy*

!!!6!!!


I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

19-Sep-2020 23:19:35 - Last edited on 19-Sep-2020 23:37:21 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Yeah, okay, fair enough. I have never denied being a scumbag and I am too proud to start denying it now.

Just let me finish burying that scoundrel Scouse. He has been selling towels on the side, thus bringing our shop's name into repute.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

10-Oct-2020 11:28:47

Corugi

Corugi

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What? After I just buried him? Oh yeah. Of course. Sure. After all, like you say, it was a sublime piece of griefing. Goodness! What was I thinking! Yup, Scouse is most worthy of a promotion after pulling that off. Here ya go then, take this highly polished spade and dig him out. I think its that spot over there. Directly under that 100 year old oak tree.



I would help but I am busy adjusting the bomb sights on a Ju87 Stuka dive bomber.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

12-Oct-2020 11:49:03

Corugi

Corugi

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Oh look! Its Scouse! Back from the dead.



Btw, it appears Trewavas has updated our clan banner again, the one on the first post of the first page.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

17-Oct-2020 11:46:39 - Last edited on 17-Oct-2020 11:51:20 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Can you believe that immediately after posting some plebeian dared to bump their thread on top of ours? Look, I present the proof.

Diy Frande said:
bump


A bump post. Just riveting. High level intellectual discourse there. Absolute literary sophistication of the very highest level. Shakespeare has been replaced.

This does however bring to mind a possible ploy. Quoting other people's bump posts to bump random threads full o bump posts. Repeatedly. It would sort of funny in an extremely lame way, if I could be bothered. Which I cant. Shame, for its pretty easy to find such quotes. After all this entire forum is comprised of 99.999 % bump posts. I imagine I would get reported pretty quick for doing so too. Which would be ironic. Being reported for bumping a thread full of bump posts with other bump posts. Maybe I should do it after all. For the irony.

By the way: 0.999.... does NOT equal 1.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

17-Oct-2020 12:01:58 - Last edited on 17-Oct-2020 12:15:24 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
Corugi said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
Kings Abbot said:
Corugi said:
Diy Frande said:
bump


I'm curious, how far can we actually go?


Challenge accepted. How small can the original post get?

One thing for sure it will not be infinitely small. Because infinity does not exist. We may however reach the Planck length. Which according to current scientific thought is the smallest meaningful measurement. Any posts contained within a post existing at Planck length size would therefore be torn out of existence, dragging the ENTIRE UNIVERSE ( and therefore including Fifi ) along with it into UTTER OBLITERATION !!!6!!!.... Hmm.

We must endeavour to reach it. We...ugh...must! Must! MUST! MUST !!!6!!!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

21-Oct-2020 13:47:59 - Last edited on 21-Oct-2020 13:50:28 by Corugi

The contents of this message have been hidden

30-Oct-2020 03:54:12

Corugi

Corugi

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At least our chain spam contained a theme. We will never unravel the symmetries of the Universe now. Its doomed to permanent lopsidedness. You have no idea what this does to astronomers.



I have always failed to see how chain posting is spam, but repeating "bump" for page after page on virtually every other clan thread is perfectly okay.

Go on, have a look. Select a clan thread at random. Go to any page. 99% chance it will be a page of "bump" posts. And the page after. And the page after that. For page after page after page until you dont reach infinity. Because infinity doesn't exist, neither as a physical object nor as a logical concept....

BUT WAIT! I can't discuss mathematical foundations or this will get locked! Wouldn't even be able to appeal the lock because "no one is interested in mathematics" and that's good enough reason. Guess all those computer programs will have to build themselves from now on. Dayumm.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

13-Nov-2020 21:04:40

Corugi

Corugi

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https://i.imgur.com/hYfJViM.mp4

Reposting King's gif because it made me go all gooey.

Scouse said:
Hope you are all well and not to traumatised by my actions and can one day bring yourselves to forgive me <3


I dont actually recall anything you said that was objectionable. But I am not going to let you know that. So you are not forgiven. The mods might just simply hide your posts but we of the Shop are far less easy to appease.

QUICK! BRING OUT THE WHIPS!

We demand blood penance. After all, are we not men?

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

13-Nov-2020 21:07:23 - Last edited on 13-Nov-2020 21:18:48 by Corugi

Corugi

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This is a democratic shop. Therefore we all need to take turns whipping Scouse, as a punishment for his heinous crimes against Devo.

I bet none of you have the vaguest idea what I am talking about, right? Degenerates.

Anyway, enough old and obscure music references and more whipping.

TAKE THIS SCOUSE! YOU....YOU......YOU BABY EATING MONSTER !!!6!!!

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

15-Nov-2020 22:48:42

Corugi

Corugi

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I was thinking more along the lines of putting Scouse into a whipping bowl and turning it on. Slowly at first. Then working up in stages until he is perfectly whipped. Then smearing him over a block of deeply frozen icecream and baking on high for about 10 minutes. But yeah, putting him and his hubcaps into a car crusher isn't a bad idea, providing we stand around later kicking the compacted block and pretending we are doing some sort of weird Bohemian performance art. I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

19-Nov-2020 00:28:30

Corugi

Corugi

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Wait. You were thinking of chucking ME into the car crusher as well? Oh. Well. Okay then. But in that case I expect a very high standard of pretend performance art.

By the way Feefs, you are required to bump this thread using someone else's bump post. Just go to another clan thread ( they are ll the same ) and copy paste a bump from there to here. Yes, its a little more work but think of the pretend performance art. Look, I will show one as an example. In fact I will use the same copy bump to bump Ghazwhatshisname's thread.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

19-Nov-2020 00:30:45 - Last edited on 19-Nov-2020 00:34:31 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Tch! Bumping is so passé.

I am always so behind the times. Or too many light years ahead. Very well then.

my My mY MY CORONA!
dum dah, da-da dah dum dee...
MY CORONA!
dum dah, da-da dah dum dee...
MY CORONA!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojrtwXqqc6g&ab_channel=ChrisMann

Scouse said:
I am lactose intolerant you murderously murdery murdering murderer!!!!!!!

Complaints, complaints...sheesh! Okay, okay, I will use Oat Milk, or Almond milk, or Rice milk. Suppose you want saccharine instead of sugar while you are being whipped to death, hmm?

NexOrigin said:

me-ow

Speaking for all of dogkind, I hereby declare a national emergency.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Nov-2020 07:56:00 - Last edited on 28-Nov-2020 08:09:48 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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I dont think I can outdo that selection of parodies. So I won't. So there!

Isn't "won't" a strange word. ( Actually a contraction of "will not" ). That's what I like about English , its got all these strange words that we use all the time and never take much notice of. But when you stop and think of them, listen to how they sound, just how archaic and all Anglo-Saxony-Vikingly, it makes you want to run outside and burn a few villages and slay some Christian priests. Even if the first recorded use of the word "won't" was as recent as the 16th century, it still sounds barbaric and blood lusting and all a running amok with battle axes.

At least that's how I feel. How about yous?
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

02-Dec-2020 06:11:56

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Corugi said:
Quest for Fire, now that was a good movie.


Indeed, it was. I thought they were gonna make a sequel, but I can't find anything about...


I think the director was invited to make a sequel, but declined. Which was probably wise. I am pushed to think of many sequels which were worth watching, the Godfather II and III being the notable exceptions. Oh, and Blade Runner 2049.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

06-Dec-2020 00:45:01 - Last edited on 06-Dec-2020 00:51:34 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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Scouse said:
Nothing to sell here, just bumping the thread...

Much love

Scouse - King of towels


In which case you are selling nothing. I will buy ten...no TWENTY nothings!

Heheh, and they say I am not a shrewd businessman. The fools....
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

06-Dec-2020 00:47:15

Corugi

Corugi

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I confess. I giggled. I am not supposed to giggle. I am supposed to be a hard-hearted humourless brute. Like Fifi.

Your imagur link also contained this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ppwIZ0EnXg&feature=youtu.be
Not a fan of Iron maiden, but that was alright.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

06-Dec-2020 23:49:37 - Last edited on 06-Dec-2020 23:51:30 by Corugi

Corugi

Corugi

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I dont like engineers much. Not all, but most. Yeah they get stuff done, but they often have a very narrow mind set.

For example engineers dont mind the concept of infinity because it allows them to calculate such things as trajectories. "It get stuff done, then it must be right, dont question it" sort of wraps up much of their attitude.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

14-Dec-2020 11:02:25

Corugi

Corugi

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Can they make me a time traveling device so I can go back and surreptitiously replace the mummy of Tutankhamen with a life sized replica of Elvis Presley?

If not then they should stick to fixing lawn mowers.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

15-Dec-2020 21:19:13

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
That would be a very good prank! Add in a USB key with Rick Astley’s Never gonna give you up and Monty Python’s Spanish Inquisition sketch hidden inside the replica so it will only be discovered when they take an MRI of it and you’ve made the most ultimate prank & rickroll combo.


If there was a noble prize for rick rolling that would be the winner.

In the unlikely event that there is a third iteration of our clan's existence I suggest its name be something like
"Bwian's Noble Prize and Rickroll"
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

18-Dec-2020 22:54:12

Corugi

Corugi

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NexOrigin said:
Now hold still Scouse, I'm on a limited supply of marshmallows today:


Oh....

OH LOOK!

Its that cute girl again. But with extra marshmallows this time. I dont care if she is a psychotic mass murderer, like Feefs suspects, her appreciation of pain and suffering has won my heart.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

22-Dec-2020 22:47:33

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:
Make a short video (1 minute max) of something nobody knew they always needed.


Hmm. Difficult. Wait! I know! Being punched in the face! Most people need it. Now, I just need to recruit some volunteers.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

27-Dec-2020 21:39:37

Corugi

Corugi

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Kings Abbot said:

So I tried that as well:
Part 1: https://i.imgur.com/ETlGl03.mp4
Part 2: https://i.imgur.com/WMACg6d.mp4
Part 3: https://i.imgur.com/0aloaDB.mp4


MY GOD! You are a MONSTER!

WE HAVE A MONSTER WITHIN OUR MIDST!

We must satisfy it or it shall surely eat us all. Quick, Fifi, sprinkle yourself lightly with salt and stand in King Abbot's mouth.

Its the only way! Trust me!
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

15-Jan-2021 21:09:58

Corugi

Corugi

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Fifi! Quick! Cover yourself in batter and a blend of secret herbs, and squawk like a chicken! Then stand next to this tasty dipping sauce.

Its the only way! Trust me!

That should assuage the monster's ravenous hunger. For now. I foresee a need to recruit new clannies.
I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

16-Jan-2021 11:05:55

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